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THE EMERALD.

PRIVATE E MADHOUSES. A gentleman of landed property was artfully conveyed by his friends into one of these, a few years ago, and kept there many months :--during his confinement, a young prig of an officer visited him, and, with unfeeling assurance, asked him how he came there?" Camahere, said the supposed maniac, as you came by your commission-not so much by my own merit, as by the interest of my friends.”

FRENCHMAN AND BUTCHER,

marry a lady whose name is Forture If, however, we are to trust to satirists, many a man who marries is wedded to Mis-fortune.

PARADOX.

At a country fair and horse-race in Scotland, a few days ago, two adjoining booth-keepers sold "the best London at fourpence the quart. The latter as porter;" one at sixpence, and the other might be expected, was first sold off; but it may appear somewhat extraordinary, that tre who sold at the lowest price made the most money, though he had the article from his opponent. fact was, the sixpenny man having had a present made of a barrel, from London

The

A half-starv'd Frenchman, once, 'tis and considering the fair as affording a

said,

Pass'd near a Butcher's door; Where British beef-good white and red.

Hung round in plenteous store.

The Frenchman gaz'd with longing eyes
Then loud, “bon, bon," he cried;"
The Butcher turn'd with quick surprise,
Then spoke with wounded pride-

"Get out you great outlandish cheat,
"Nor talk such stuff as that;
You say "bone, bone-I say 'tis meat,
And meat extremely fat."

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IRISH REVIEW

Some differences lately occurred between a corps of volunteers and their commandant. The regiment was ordered to appear before the inspecting general, and the colonel, of course, gave the word of command, "AttentionShoulder arms." Not a muscle nor a musket moved. The command was repeated in a louder voice-the corps was still motionless. The general much surprised, beckoned to a serjeant and asked why the corps refused to act -"An't plaise your honour," says Pat, making the due obeisance, "it is bekays the colonel and the regiment are not on spaiking terms !"

THE matrimonial blacksmith at Gretna-green being asked why old women were so fond of matrimony? "Why," said he, " you know that old wood catches fire in an instant,”

THERE has been many jokes about the refusal of an Irish gentleman to

good opportunityof converting the liquor ed a booth for the purpose. His neighinto cash, though no publican, he openbour, considering this as an intrusion and perceiving the situation of the barits first possessor, he made an incision rel, while it was tapped at one end by in the canvas that separated the two tents, and took the liberty of tapping it at the other end! Proclamation being made of the prices, the thirsty fair folks flocked to the fourpenny porterbooth, till the cask, which had a little

downward inclination at the other end would run no more!! The people.

were then under the necessity of resorting to the other booth, but that tap was soon exhausted; the reduced price end having drained the whole barrel, except four or five quarts.

[We have often to admire the morality

of the eastern fable; when judiciously contrived, it borrows the gar`ments of instruction from the wardrobe of pleasure, and engages the mind in the contemplation of a principle, or impresses the force of some important truth, when the object of the reader was merely to occupy an idle hour in the most free and desultory reflections. We therefore trust the following from the pen of G. WALKER will be acceptable to a majority of our readers.]

SERED AND TEKAN:

OR, THE TWO DERVISES.

non, where the seasons glide in
In the delightful valley of Mer-

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Tekah was of a violent capricious disposition. The indulgence of his parents had led him to suppose that all must bow to his will, or stoop to his desire. His pride quickly receiv

sweet succession, scattering their present always overcame the hopes varied profusion, resided two Der- of the future. vises, who seemed to have selected this retreat as the asylum of meditation and repose. The names of these philosophers, who inhabited. different recesses, were Vishni and Salem-Vishni appeared mild and ed a check beneath the hands of Sahumane, sighing at the faults of his lem,& punishment followed a crime, fellow-creatures, and lamenting the certain as the rolling thunder sucdepravity of man, He taught that ceeds the illuminating flash. His Alla had created the human race natural disposition was corrected for the best purposes, and that it by his terror of consequences, and was reversing infinite benevolence his imagination was restrained by to suppose that the crimes of a finite the fear of that punishment a future being should receive eternal punish-life suspends over the secret crimi

ment.

Salem, on the other hand, was of a more austere disposition, he had intimately known theviciousness of human nature, and almost detested the species, for its crimes, its outrages, and its tyranny. He taught that few would enter the garden of Paradise, nine-tenths of mankind being doomed to eternal torment.

Such were the sentiments these reverend men daily inculcated in all who attended for instruction, and such were the tenets they instilled into the minds of two youths whom the piety of their parents had placed beneath their care.

a

Sered was the pupil of Vishni, but unworthy of so benevolent preceptor-He was careless beneath his instructions, because the rod of punishment was never suspended over his head; and the praise of the worthy, he was at some future period to receive, as yet had not taught his heart to sigh with emulation. He imbibed naturally from his instructor all the maxims which the wise have produced, and he knew perfectly well the value of learning and morality: yet was he frequently led into faults, because he had no expectance of punishiment, and the temptation of the

nal.

Such were the sentiments of Sered and Tekah, when the views of their parents called them to Ispahan. They were now placed beneath the care of respectable merchants, who taught them the art of exchange, and the science of specu-. lation. Tekah was frequently tempted to deviate from the line of honour, in pursuit of those emoluments a clandestine transaction held out, but the fear of detection, or the terror of a future retribution, stayed his hand. Character with him was a sacred garment, and he sought to preserve it as unspotted as priestly robes in the temple of Mithra.

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Sered, on the contrary,, when an evasion of the laws led to, profit in security. scrupled not to grasp at gain-He listened not to the cry of humanity, rather seeking by enhancing the price of grain,. in which he dealt, to extort the last coz from the poor. He lent money to the distressed at extra--vagant interest, and formed connections with wandering Arabs, whose plunder he secretly vended.-Yet, in the eyes of men, he appeared the pattern of mercantile integrity.

The applauses of men were how- her in the language of affection, ever insufficient to restrain Sered intermingled with the blandishfrom clandestine malevolence, and ments of wealth, and the allurethe slight restraint they imposed, ments of pleasure, but the heart of became every day less: the influ- the virgin was inattentive to his reence of avarice and pleasure repres-presentations, and cold to all his sing the voice of honour and vir- caresses.

tue. Such were the characters of the two friends, who being liberated from the authority of their parents, resided in superb buildings adjoining cach other.

The pride of Sered was hurtCould he be refused by a peasant's

daughter, a slave, one whom he

On

could sell to the merchants ?-He
arose haughtily, and returned deep-
ly musing towards Ispahan.
the way he reflected that some pri-
or passion must have possession of
her bosom, or it was impossible she
could withstand riches, pleasures,
and a person handsome as himself

but then-who, except a peasant, could be the object; and should so unworthy a competitor snatch from the arms of Sered a gem of such inestimable value-" No," cried he,

those dreamers who believe in future punishment, might be deterred from violence in gratifying their will, but my dear Vishni has taken from me such foolish prejudices.--If I do dot enter the garden of Paradise, I shall lose all existence, and what then I will enjoy pleasure, while pleasure is within my grasp."

One evening in the cool of the day, Sered wandered along the banks of the golden Zanderat, to enjoy the western breezes, which perfumed the air with the fragrance of roses and jessamine; while the curling water glided by to join in the embraces of the Tygris. He was revolving in his mind new plans of profit, and new schemes of extortion, when a gentle voice from a grove of dates and pomegranates arrested his feet. He paused, then advanced to listen, entered the grove, and found himself before alittle cane dwelling, surrounded with a garden of flowers. On a bank of violets and lilies sat the beauteous Nour Hali, lulling her infant sister to sleep. Not expecting strangers, her veil was thrown aside, and her exquisite features were suffused with a blushing confusion, giving increased animation to her large black eyes, which for a moment glanced upon Sered, then eagerly sought the veil, beneath which mo-the communications of EUGENIA desty conceals itself. Sered was confounded and astonished at the charms of the blushing maid.— His haram contained some of the finest womon of the East, but all their charms united, could scarceFashion is a lawful subject of satire, ly equal those alone possessed by which sets gallantry at defiance, and but we have no opinion of that wit Nour Hali.-What a prize! consists only in sharp savings iss thought he, she will be the pearl the sex. For that reason we shall withof my haram, and the gem of my out apology refuse admission to the delight. He instantly addressed" Essay on Female Follies,”

(To be continued.)

TO CORRESPONDENTS.

We hope to be often favoured with

Although the VILLAGE LASS has a "HOME" So delightful, we hope the coming spring will often allure her a

broad.

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SPECULATION.

POETRY.

HAZARD, a careless fellow known
At ev'ry gambling house in town,
Was oft in want of money, yet
Could never bear to run in debt;
Because, 'twas thought no man was
willing

To give him credit for a shilling.
Dependent on dame Fortune's will,
He threw the dice, or well, or ill;
This day in rags, the next in lace,
Just as it happen'd sice or ace;
Was often times, when not a winner,
Uncertain where to get a dinner,
One day, when cruel Fortune's frown
Had stript him of his last half-crown
Saunt'ring along in sorry mood,
Hungry; perhaps, for want of food;
A parlour window struck his eye,
Through which our hero chanc'd to spy
A jolly round fac'd personage,
Somewhat about the middle age,
Beginning a luxurious meal,
For 'twas a noble loin of veal;
And such a sight, I need not mention,
Quickly arrested his attention:
Surely, thought he, I know that face,
I've seen it at some other place-
I recollect, 'twas at the play,
And there I heard some people say
How rich this fellow was, and what
A handsome daughter he had got!
That dinner would exactly, do,
A loin of veal's enough for two;
Could but now strike out some way
To get an introduction, eh!
Most likely 'tis I may endeavour
In vain, but come, I'll try, however;
And now he mediates no more-
Thunders a rat-tat at the door.
The party-colour'd footman come,
Pray, is your, master, Sir, at home?"
My master, Sir, 's at home but busy."
Then he's engag'd," quoth Hazard,

"is he?"

Invoice as loud he could bellow

I'm very sorry, my good fellow, It happens so, because I could Your master do some little good; A Speculation that I know, Might save a thousand pounds or so, No matter, friend, your master tell Another day will do as well. [cries, What's that you say?" the master With pleasure beaming from his eyes, And napkin tuck'd beneath his chin;

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Bouncing from parlour, whence within
He'd heard those joy-inspiring sounds
Of saving him a thousand pounds!
"My dear Sir, what is that you say;"

Sir, I can call another day ?"
Your dinner I've disturb'd I fear.
"Do pray, Sir, take your dinner here;
You'll find a welcome warm and hearty"
"I shall intrude, Sir, on your party."
"There's not a soul but I and you."
"Well then, I don't care if I do."
Our spark's design thus far completed,
Behold him at the table seated,
Paying away, as well he might,
With some degree of appetite.
Our host, who willing would have press'd
The thousand pounds upon his guest,
Still thought it would not be genteel
To interrupt him at his meal,
Which seem'd so fully to employ him,
Talking might probably annoy him,
So thought it better he should wait
Till after dinner, the debate ;
And now, "the king and constitution,
With ill success to revolution,”
And many a warm and loyal toast,
Had been discuss'd, when our good host
Thought it was almost time to say,
"Let's move the order of the day."
Indeed he hardly could help thinking
'Twas rather odd his guest was drinking,
The business not a jot the nearer,
A second bottle of Maderia;
And that he seem'd to sit and chatter,
'Bout this and that, and t'other matter,
As if he'd not the least intention
This thousand pounds of his to mention.
Much did he wish to give a hint,
Yet knew not how he should begin 't;
At length, "Sir, you've forgot, I fear,
The bus'nes that has brought you here?
I think you gave some intimation
About a saving Speculation"

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Ay, Sir--You'll find it not amiss, My Speculation's simply this :I hear you have a daughter, Sir," "A daughter! well and what of her t What can my daughter have to do With this affair 'twixt me and you?" "I mean to make your daughter--craving Your pardon, Sir-the means of saving The sum I mention. You'll allow My scheme is sensible," "As how?" Why, thus--I hear you've no objection To form some conjugal affection [ded For this same daughter." "No, provi All other matters coincided."

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"Then, Sir, I'll suit you to a hairPray, is she not extremely fair?" "Why-yes-there's many folks who praise her

But what is beauty now-a-days Sir !" "Ay, true Sir, nothing without wealth; But,come suppose we drink her health!" Indeed I've drank enough already." "Oh fie-Consider, Sir, a lady. By rights we should have drank her first. Pray, fill." "Well if I must, I must." "And pray what age, Sir, may she be?" "God bless her, she's just twenty

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-three."

Juat twenty-three! faith a rare age.". "Sir, you were speaking of her marriage."

"I was-and wish to know, in case Such an occurrence should take place, The sum it might be in your power To give with her by way of dower?" "Well then, Sir, this is my intent, If married with my own consent, I've no objection on such grounds, With her to pay ten thousand pounds." Ten thousand, Sir, I think you say?" "I do." "What! on the marriage day" "The whole." "Then let her, Sir, be mine,

I'll take her off you hands with nine; And that you'll call, I'm sure, good grounds

For saving you a thousand pounds.”

[The following is ill natured and very se vere; and yet Dibdin has contrived so to season it with wit, that it forces an almost involuntary smile.]

THE LADY OF CANDOR.

Tuo' born in fashion's gayest sphere,
To scandal o'er her tea,
Maria ne'er inclined an ear,

For-very deaf was she.
In beauty to behold a flaw,

She was not so unkind,
A rival's follies seldom saw,
For she was nearly blind.

Or had she heard, or seen, yet mum
She'd been, nor e'er so weak
As tell the tale, for-being dumb
Maria did not speak.

In fashion's circle, friendship dear
May well her loss deplore,
And feel from what they see and hea”,
Maria is no more.

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