THE DOUBLE TRANSFORMATION. OLIVER GOLDSMITH. ECLUDED from domestic strife, Made him the happiest man alive; Such pleasures unallay'd with care, Could any accident impair? The Double Transformation. Could Cupid's shaft at length transfix O had the archer ne'er come down So with decorum all things carry'd, Miss frown'd, and blush'd, and then was married. The honey-moon like lightning flew, The second brought its transports too ; A third, a fourth, were not amiss; The fifth was friendship mix'd with bliss ; Skill'd in no other arts was she, But dressing, patching, repartee; And, just as humour rose or fell, By turns a slattern or a belle. "Tis true she dress'd with modern grace, Half naked at a ball or race; But when at home, at board or bed, Five greasy night-caps wrap'd her head. Could so much beauty condescend To be a dull domestic friend? Could any curtain lectures bring The Double Transformation. In short, by night, 'twas fits or fretting; And twenty other near relations. Jack suck'd his pipe, and often broke A sigh in suffocating smoke; While all their hours were pass'd between Insulting repartee or spleen. Thus as her faults each day were known, Or thins her lips, or points her nose: How wide her mouth, how wild her eyes! He knows not how, but so it is, Her face is grown a knowing phiz; And though her fops are wondrous civil, Now to perplex the revel'd noose, The glass grown hateful to her sight, Reflected now a perfect fright: Each former art she vainly tries The Double Transformation. In vain she tries her paste and creams, To smooth her skin, or hide its seams; Her country beaux and eity cousins, Lovers no more, flew off by dozens: The 'squire himself was seen to yield, And e'en the captain quit the field. Poor madam now, condemn'd to hack The rest of life with anxious Jack, Perceiving others fairly flown, Attempted pleasing him alone. Jack soon was dazzled to behold Her present face surpass the old ; With modesty her cheeks are dy'd, Humility displaces pride; For tawdry finery is seen A person ever neatly clean : No more presuming on her sway, She learns good nature every day : Serenely gay and strict in duty, Jack finds his wife a perfect beauty. FT in danger, yet alive, Could philosophers contrive Life to stop at thirty-five, Time his hours should never drive High to soar, and deep to dive, Nature gives at thirty-five. For, howe'er we boast and strive, He that ever hopes to thrive Must begin by thirty-five; And all who wisely wish to wive Must look on Thrale at thirty-five. |