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es of mortification and felf-denial, the old man keeps whereabouts he was; for he is sturdy and obftinate, and will not ftir for finall blows. After the greatest mortifications, I always find the greatest comfort.
Suppofing there was never but one complete Chriftian, in all refpects, of a right stamp, having Chriftianity fhining in its true lufture,at a time in the world; refolved to act just as I would do, if I ftrove with all my might to be that one, that should be in my time.
Tuesday, Jan. 15. It seemed yesterday, the day before, & Saturday, that I fhould always retain the fame refolutions to the fame height; but alas! how soon do I decay! O, how weak, how infirm, how unable to do any thing am I! What a poor, inconfiftent, what a miserable wretch, without the affiftance of God's Spirit! While I ftand, I am ready to think I ftand in my own ftrength, and upon my own legs; and I am ready to
iumph over my enemies, as if it were I myfelf that caufed them to flee; when alas! I am but a poor infant, upheld by Jefus Chrift; who holds me up, and gives me liberty to fmile to fee my enemies flee, when he drives them before me; and fo I laugh, as though I myfelf did it, when it is only Jefus Chrift leads me along, and fights himself against my enemies. And now the Lord has a little left me, and how weak do I find myself! O! let it teach me to depend lefs on myfelf, to be more humble, and to give more of the praife of my ability to Jefus Chrift. The heart of man is deceitful above all things, and defperately wicked, who can know it?
Saturday, Feb. 16. I do certainly know that I love holinefs, fuch as the gospel requires.
At night. I have been negligent for the month paft in these three things; I have not been watchful enough over my appetite in eating and drinking; in rifing too late a-mornings; and in not applying myfelf with application enough to the duty of fecret prayer.
Sabbath-Day, Feb. 17. near fun fet. Renewedly promifed, that I will accept of God, for my whole portion; and that I will be contented, whatever elfe I am
denied. I will not murmur, nor be grieved, whatever profperity, upon any account, I fee others enjoy, and I am denied.
Saturday, March 2.-O, how much pleasanter is humility than pride! O, that God would fill me with exceeding great humility, and that he would evermore keep me from all pride! The pleasures of humility are really the most refined, inward, and exqufite delights in the world. How hateful is a proud man! How hateful is a worm that lifts upitself with pride! What a foolifh, filly, miferable, blind, deceived, poor worm am I, when pride works!
Wednesday, March 6. near fun-fet. Felt the doc. trines of election, free grace, and of our not being able to do any thing without the grace of God; and that holinefs is entirely, throughout, the work of God's Spirit, with more pleasure than before.
Monday-Morning, April 1. I think it beft not to allow myself to laugh at the faults, follies, and infirmities of others.
Saturday-Night, April 6. This week I found my.. felf fo far gone, that it feemed to me, that I should never recover more. Let God of his mercy return unto me, and no more leave me thus to fink and decay! I know, O Lord, that without thy help, I shall fall innumerable times, notwithstanding.all my refolutions, how often foever repeated.
Saturday-Night, April 13. I could pray more heartily this night, for the forgiveness of my enemies, than ever before.
Wednesday, May 1. Forenoon. Laft night I came home, after my melancholy parting from New York.
I have always, in every different ftate of life I have hitherto been in, thought the troubles and difficulties of that ftate to be greater than those of any other that I propofed to be in; and when I have altered with affurance of mending myself, I have ftill thought the fame; yea, that the difficulties of that state are greater than those of that I left laft. Lord, grant that from hence I may learn
to withdraw my thoughts, affections, defires, and expectations, entirely from the world, and may fix them upon the heavenly ftate; where there is fulness of joy ; where reigns heavenly, fweet, calm, and delightful love without alloy; where there are continually the deareft expreffions of this love; where there is the enjoyment of the perfons loved, without ever parting; where thofe perfons, who appear fo lovely in this world, will really be inexpreffibly more lovely, and full of love to us. How fweetly will the mutual lovers join together to fing the praises of God and the Lamb! How full will it fill us with joy to think, this enjoyment, these sweet exercifes, will never cease or come to an end, but will last to all eternity.
Remember, after journeys, removes, overturnings, and alterations in the ftate of my life, to reflect and confider, whether therein I have managed the belt way. poffible, refpecting my foul? and before fuch alterations, if foreseen, to refolve how to act.
Thursday, May 2.-I think it a very good way to examine dreams every morning when awake, what are the nature, circumftances, principles, and ends of my imaginary actions and paffions in them, to difcern what are my chief inclinations, &c.
Saturday-night, May 4. Although I have in fome measure fubdued a difpofition to chide and fret, yet I find a certain inclination, which is not agreeable to Christian sweetness of temper and converfation: either by too much dogmaticalness, too much of the egotism; a difpofition to be telling of my own diflike and scorn, and freedom from those that are innocent, yea common infirmities of men, and many other fuch like things. O that God would help me to discern all the flaws and defects of my temper and conversation, and help me in the difficult work of amending them; and that he would fill me fo full of Chriftianity, that the founda tion of all these disagreeable irregularities may be destroyed, and the contrary fweetneffes and beauties may of themselves naturally follow.
Sabbath-Day, May 5. in the morning.. This day made the 47th Resolution.
Sabbath-Day, May 12. I think I find in my heart to be glad from the hopes I have, that my eternity is to be spent in fpiritual and holy joys, arifing from the manifeftation of God's love, and the exercise of holi nefs and a burning love to him..
Saturday-Night, May 18. I now plainly perceive what great obligations I am under to love and honour my parents. I have great reafon to believe, that their counsel and education have been my making, notwithftanding, in the time of it, it seemed to do me fo little good. I have good reafon to hope that their prayers. for me, have been in many things very powerful and prevalent; that God has in many things taken me un. der his care and guidance, provifion, and direction, in anfwer to their prayers for me. I was never made fo
fenfible of it as now.
Wednesday, May 22. in the morning. Memorandum. To take fpecial care of thefe following things; evil fpeaking, fretting, eating, drinking, and freeping, fpeaking fimple verity, joining in prayer, flightinefs in fecret prayer, liftlefnefs and negligence, and thoughts that cherish fin.
Saturday, May 25. in the morning. As I was this morning reading the 17th Resolution, it was fuggefted to me, that if I was now to die, I fhould wish that I had prayed more that God would make me know my ftate. whether it be good or bad; and that I had taken more pains to fee, and narrowly fearch into this matter. Wherefore, Mem. For the future moft nicely and dil igently to look into our old divines opinions concerning converfion. Made the 48th Refolution.
Friday, June 1. Afternoon. I have abundant caufe, O my merciful Father, to love thee ardently, and greatly to blefs and praise thee, that thou haft heard me in my earnest requeft, and hath fo answered my prayer for mercy to keep from decay and finking. O, gracioufly, of thy mere goodnefs, fill continue to pity my mifery, by
by reason of my finfulnels. O, my dear Redeemer, I commit myself, together with my prayer and thanksgiving into thine hand.
Monday. July 1. Again confirmed by experience of the happy effects of trict temperance, with refpect both to body and mind. Refolved for the future to obferve rather more of meekness, moderation, and temper in difputes.
Tharfday, July 18. near fun-fet. Refolved to endeavour to make fure of that fign the Apostle James gives of a perfect man, Jam. iii. 2. If any man o offend not in word, the fame is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body.
Monday, July 22. I fee there is danger of my be ing drawn into tranfgreffion by the power of fuch temptations as a fear of feeming uncivil, and of offend ... ing friends. Watch against it..
Tuesday, July 23. When I find thofe groanings: which cannot be uttered, the Apoftle fpeaks of; and thofe foul-breakings, for the longing it hath, the Pfalmift fpeaks of Pfal. cxix. 20. to humour and promote them to the utmost of my power, and be not weary of earneftly endeavouring to vent my defires.
To count it all joy when I have occafion of great felf-denial, because then I have a glorious opportunity of giving deadly wounds to the body of fin, and greatly confirming and establishing the new nature: to feek to mortify fin, and increase in holiness: these are the beit opportunities, according to January 14.
To improve afflictions of all kinds as bleffed opportunities of forcibly bearing on in my Chriftian course, notwithstanding that which is fo very apt to difcourage me, and to damp the vigour of my mind, and to make me lifelefs: alfo as opportunities of trufting and confiding in God, and getting a habit of that, according to the 57th Refolution. And as an opportunity of rend ing my heart off from the world, and fetting it upon heaven alone. To improve them as opportunities to repent of, and bewail my fin, and abhor myself; and