engaging to fight with all my might against the world, the flesh, and the devil, to the end of my life. But have reason to be infinitely humbled, when I confider, how much I have failed of anfwering my obligation.

"I had then abundance of fweet religious converfa.. tion in the family where I lived, with Mr John Smith, and his pious mother. My heart was knit in affection to those, in whom were appearances of true piety; and I could bear the thoughts of no other companions, but fuch as were holy, and the difciples of the blessed Jefus.

"I had great longings for the advancement of Chrift's kingdom in the world. My facred prayer used to be in great part taken up in praying for it. If I heard the leaft hint of any thing that happened in any part of the world, that appeared to me, in fome refpect or other, to have a favourable afpect on the intereft of Chrift's kingdom, my foul eagerly catched at it; and it would much animate and refresh me. I used to be earnest to read public news-letters, mainly for that end; to fee if I could not find fome news favourable to the intereft. of religion in the world.

"I very frequently ufed to retire into a folitary place, on the banks of Hudfon's River, at fome diftance from the city, for contemplation on divine things, and fecret converfe with God; and had many sweet hours there. Sometimes Mr Smith and I walked there together, to converfe of the things of God; and our converfation ufed much to turn on the advancement of Chrift's kingdom in the world, and the glorious things that God would accomplish for his church in the latter days.

"I had then, and at other times, the greatest delight in the holy fcriptures, of any book whatfoever. Öftentimes in reading it, every word feemed to touch my heart. I felt a harmony between fomething in my heart, and thofe fweet and powerful words. I feemed often to fee fo much light exhibited by every fentence, and fuch a refreshing ravishing food communicated,

that

that I could not get along in reading. Ufed oftentimes to dwell long on one fentence, to fee the wonders contained in it ; and yet alinoft every fentence feemed to

be full of wonders.

I came away from New-York in the month of April 1723, and had a moft bitter parting with Madam Smith and her fon. My heart feemed to fink within me, at leaving the family and city where I had enjoyed so many sweet and pleasant days. I went from New-York to Weathersfield by water. As I failed away, I kept fight of the city as long as I could; and when I was out of fight of it, it would affect me much to look that way, with a kind of melancholy mixed with. sweetness. However, that night, after this forrowful parting, I was greatly comforted in God at Weftchefter,. where we went afhore to lodge; and had a pleasant time of it all the voyage to Saybrook. It was fweet to me to think of meeting dear Chriftians in heaven, where we should never part more. At Saybrook we went afhore to lodge on Saturday, and there kept Sabbath; where I had a fweet and refreshing feafon, walking alone in the fields..

"After I came home to Windfor, remained much in a like frame of mind as I had been in at New-York, but only fometimes felt my heart ready to fink with the thoughts of my friends at New-York. And my refuge and fupport was in contemplations on the heavenly ftate;, as I find in my Diary of May 1. 1723. It was my comfort to think of that state, where there is fulness of joy; where reigns heavenly, fweet, calm, and delightful love, without alloy; where there are cotinually the deareft expreffions of this love; where is the enjoyment of the perfons loved, without ever parting; where these persons that appear fo lovely in this world, will really be inexpreffibly more lovely, and full of love to

us.

And how fweetly will the mutual lovers join together to fing the praises of God and the Lamb! How full will it fill us with joy to think that this enjoyment, these sweet exercifes, will never ceafe or come to an end, but will last to all etenity! "Continued

Continued much in the fame frame in the general that I had been in at New-York, till I went to NewHaven, to live there as Tutor of the College; having one special feason of uncommon fweetnefs; particularly once at Bolton, in a journey from Boston, walking out alone in the fields. After I went to New-Haven I funk in religion; my mind being diverted from my. eager and violent purfuits after holinefs, by fome affairs that greatly perplexed aud diftracted my mind.

"In Sep. 1725, was taken ill at New-Haven; and endeavouring to go home to Windsor, was fo ill at the North-Village that I could go no further; where I lay fick for about a quarter of a year. And, in this fickness God was pleased to vifit me again with the fweet influences of his Spirit. My mind was greatly engaged there on divine, pleasant contemplations, and longings of foul. I obferved that thofe who watched with me, would often be looking out for the morning, and feemed to wifh for it; which brought to my mind those words of the Pfalmift, which my foul with sweetnefs made its own language, My foul waiteth for the Lord, more than they that watch for the morning; I fay, more than they that watch for the morning. And when the light of the morning came, and the beams of the fun came in at the windows, it refreshed my foul from one morning to another. It seemed to me to be fome image of the fweet light of God's glory.

66

I remember, about that time, I used greatly to long for the converfion of some that I was concerned with. It feemed to me, I could gladly honour them, and with delight be a fervant to them, and lie at their feet, if they were but truly holy.

"But, fome time after this, I was again greatly diverted in my mind, with fome temporal concerns, that exceedingly took up my thoughts, greatly to the wound: ing of my foul; and went on through various exercises, that it would be tedious to relate, that gave me much more experience of my own heart than ever I had before.

thing, I have lotted upon it all the way as I read. And my mind has been much entertained and delighted with the fcripture-promifes and prophecies of the future glorious advancement of Chrift's kingdom on earth.

"I have fometimes had a sense of the excellent fulnefs of Chrift, and his meetnefs and fuitableness as a Saviour; whereby he has appeared to me far above all, the chief of ten thoufands; and his blood and atonement has appeared sweet, and his righteousness sweet; which is always accompanied with an ardency of spir it, and inward strugglings, and breathings, groanings, that cannot be uttered, to be emptied of my felf, and fwallowed up in Christ.

Once, as I rode out into the woods for my health, anno 1737, and having lighted from my horfe in a retired place, as my manner commonly has been, to walk for divine contemplation and prayer, I had a view, that for me was extraordinary, of the glory of the Son of God, as Mediator between God and man; and his wonderful, great, full, pure, and fweet grace, and love, and meek, and gentle condefcenfion. This grace, that appeared to me fo calm and fweet, appeared great above the heavens. The perfon of Chrift appeared ineffably excellent, with an excellency great enough to fwallow up all thought and conception, which continued, as near as I can judge, about an hour, which kept me, the greater part of the time, in a flood of tears, and weeping aloud. I felt withal, an ardency of foul to be, what I konw not otherwife how to exprefs, than to be emptied and annihilated; to lie in the duft, and to be full of Chrift alone; to love him with a holy and pure love; to truft in him; to live upon him; to ferve and follow him, and to be totally wrapt up in the fulness of Christ; and to be perfectly fanctified and made pure with a divine and heavenly purity. I have feveral other times had views very much of the fame nature, and that have had the fame effects.

"I have many times had a sense of the glory of the Third perfon in the Trinity, in his office of Sanctifier,

in his holy operations, communicating divine light and life to the foul. God, in the communications of his Holy Spirit, has appeared as an infinite fountain of divine glory and fweetnefs, being full and fufficient to fill and fatisfy the foul; pouring forth it felf in fweet communications, like the fun in its glory, fweetly and pleafantly diffufing light and life.

"I have fometimes had an affecting fenfe of the excellency of the word of God, as a word of life; as the light of life; a fweet, excellent, life-giving word; accompanied with a thirsting after that word, that it might dwell richly in my heart.

"I have often, fince I lived in this town, had very affecting views of my own finfulness and vileness, very frequently fo as to hold me in a kind of loud weeping, fometimes for a confiderable time together, fo that I have often been forced to shut my felf up. I have had a vaftly greater fenfe of my own wickednefs, and the badnefs of my heart fince my conversion than ever I had before. It has often appeared to me, that if God fhould mark iniquity against me, I fhould appear the very worst of all mankind; of all that have been fince the beginning of the world to this time, and that I fhould have by far the lowest place in hell. When others, that have come to talk with me about their foul-concerns, have expreffed the fense they have had of their own wickedness, by saying that it feemed to them that they were as bad as the devil himfelf, I thought their expreffions feemed exceeding faint and feeble to reprefent my wickedness. I thought I fhould wonder that they should content themselves with fuch expreffions as thefe, if I had any reason to imagine that their fin bore any proportion to mine. It feemed to me, I should wonder at myfelf, if I fhould exprefs my wickedness in fuch feeble terms as they did.

My wickedness, as I am in myself, has long appeared to me perfectly ineffable, and infinitely fwallowing up all thought and imagination, like an infinite deluge, or infinite mountains over my head. I know not

how