and the church here,) whereof you were a member; I fay, Sir, I have of. to with d every one of them truly knew my real fenfe of my own conduct in the affairs that the one and the other of faid councils are privy to; and as I have long apprehended it to be my duty not only to humble myfelf before God for what was unchriftian and finful in my conduct before faid councils, but also to confefs my faults to them, and take fhame to nyff there for before them. I have often ftudied with myfelf in what manner it was practicable for me to do it; and when I understood that you, Sir, and Mr Eaton were to be at Cold Spring at the time of the late council, I refolved to improve the opportunity fully to open my mind there to you and him thereon; and thought that probably fome method might be then thought of, in which my reflections on myfelf touching the matters above hinted at, might be communicated to most if not all the gentlemen aforefaid, who did not refide in this county: but you know, Sir, how difficult it was for us to converfe together by ourfelves when at Cold Spring, without giving umbrage to that people; I therefore propofed writing to you upon the matters which I had then opportunity only juft fummarily to fuggeft; which you, Sir, fignified would be agreeable to you; I therefore now undertake what I then propofed, in which I humbly ask the Divine aid; and that I may be made moft freely willing fully to confefs my fin and guilt to you and the world, in thofe inftances which I have reafon to fuppofe fell under your notice, as they were public and notorious tranfa&tions, and on account whereof, therefore, you, Sir, and all others who had knowledge thereof, had juft caufe to be offended at me.

And, in the first place, Sir, I apprehend, that, with the church and people of Northampton, I finned and erred exceedingly in confenting and labouring that there fhould be fo early a difmiffion of Mr Edwards from his paftoral relation to us, even upon the fuppofition that he was really in a mistake in the difputed point: not only because the difpute was upon matters fo very difputable in themfelves, and at the greateft remove from fundamental, but becaule Mr Edwards fo long had approved himfelf a moft faithful and painful paftor to faid church; and alfo changed his fentiments in that point wholly from a tender regard to what appeared to him to be truth; and had inade known his fentiments with great noderation and upon greit deliberation, against all worldly motives, and from mere fidelity to his great Mafter, and a tender regard to the fouls of his flock, as we had the higheft reafon to judge; which confiderations now feem to me fufficient; and would, (if we had been of a right fpirit.) have greatly endeared him to his people, and made us, to the laft degree, reluctant to parting with him, and difpofed us to the exercile of the greateft candour, gentleness, and moderation: how much of the reverfe whereof appeared in us, I need not tell you, Sir, who was an eye-witne's of our temper and conduct.

A d although it does not become me to pronounce decifively on a poist fo dilputable as what was then in difpute, yet I beg leave to fay, that I really apprehend, that it is of the higheil moment to the body of this church, and to me in particular, moft folicitoutly to inquire, whether, like the Pharifees and Lawyers in John the Baptift's time, we did not reject the council of God against ourlelves, in rejecting Mr Edwards and his doctrine, which was the ground of his difimiflion. And I humbly conceive, that

it

it highly imports us all of this church, moft feriously and impartially to examine what that moft worthy and able divine, about that time, published in fupport of the fame, whereby he being dead yet fpeaketh.

But there were three things, Sir, efpecially in my own particular conduft before the first council, which have been juftly matter of great grief and much trouble to me almoft ever fince, viz.,

In the first place, I confefs, Sir, that I acted very immodeftly and abufively, to you, as well as injurioufly to the church and myself, when, with much zeal and unbecoming affurance, I moved the council, that they would interpofe to filence and ftop you in an addrefs you were making, one morning to the people, wherein you were, if I do not mifremember, briefly exhorting them to a tender remembrance of the former affection and harmony that had long fubfifted between them and their Rev. Paftor, and the great comfort and profit which they had apprehended that they had received from his miniftry; for which Sir, I heartily afk your forgiveness; and I think, that we ought, instead of oppofing an exhortation of that nature, to have received it with all thankfulnefs.

Another particular of my conduct before that council, which I now apprehend was criminal, and was owing to the want of that tender affection and reverend refpect and esteem for Mr Edwards which he had highly merited of me, was my ftrenuoufly oppofing the adjournment of the matters fubmitted to that council, for about two months; for which I declare myfelf unfeignedly forry; and I with fhame remember, that I did it in a peremptory, decifive, vehement, and very immodeft manner.

But, Sir, the most criminal part of my conduct at that time, that I am confcious of, was my exhibiting to that council a fet of arguments in writing, the drift whereof was to prove the reasonableness and neceffity of Mr Edwards's difmiffion in cafe no accommodation was then effected with mutual confent; which tract, by clear implication, contained fome fevere, uncharitable, and, if I do not mifremember, ground lefs and flanderous imputations on Mr Edwards, and expreffed in bitter language; and although the original draft thereof was not done by me, yet I foolishly and finfully confented to copy it; and, as agent for the church, to read it, and deliver. it to the council, which I could never have done, if I had not had a wicked relish for perverfe things; which conduct of mine, I confefs was very finful; am perfuaded was highly provoking to God, and for which I am afhamed, confounded, and have nothing to answer.

As to the church's remonftrance, (as it was called,) which their committee preferred to the laft of faid councils, to all which I was confenting, and in the compofing whereof I was very active, as alfo in bringing the church to their vote upon it: I would, in the first place, only obferve, that I do not remember any thing in that small part of it which was plainly difcurfive of the expediency of Mr Edwards's refettlement here as paflor to a part of the church, which was very exceptionable; but as to all the refidue, which was much the greatest part thereof, (and I am not certain that any part was wholly free,) it was every where larded with unchriftian bitternefs, farcaftical, and unmannerly infinuations, contained divers direct, grievous, and criminal charges and allegations againft Mr Edwards, which, I have fince good reafon to fuppofe, were all founded on jealous and uncharitable mistakes, and fo were really grofs flanders, alfo many heavy and reproachful charges upon divers of Mr Edwards's adherents, and

fome

fome fevere cenfures of them all indifcriminately; all of which, (if not wholly falfe and groundlefs,) yet were altogether unneceffary, and therefore highly criminal. Indeed I am fully convinced, that the whole of that compofure, excepting the fmall part thereof above mentioned, was totally unchriftian, a fcandalous, abufive, injurious libel, against Mr Edwards and his particular friends; efpecially the former, and highly provoking and deteftable in the fight of God; for which I am heartily forry and afhamed; and pray I may remember it with deep abafement, and penitence all my days. Nor do I now think that the church's conduct in refufing to appear and attend before that council to fupport the charges and allegations in faid remoftrances against Mr Edwards and faid brethren, which they demanded, was ever vindicated by all the fubtle anfwers that were given to deid demand; nor do I think, that our conduct in that inftance was capable of a defence; for it appears to me, that by making charges of fcandalous matters against them before faid council, we neceffarily fo far gave that council jurifdiction; and I own with forrow and regret, that I zealously endeavoured, that the church fhould perfeveringly refufe to appear before said council for the purpose above faid, which I humbly pray God to forgive.

Another part of my conduct, Sir, of which I have long repented, and for which I hereby declare my hearty forrow, was my obftinate oppofition to the laft council's having any conference with the church; which faid council earnestly and repeatedly moved for, and which the church finally denied, (as you know) I think it dilcovered a great deal of pride and vain fufficiency in the church, and showed them to be very opiniative, especially the chief sticklers, one of whom, I own, I was, and think it was running a moft prefumptuous rifk, and acting the part of proud fcorners, for us to refufe hearing, and candidly and ferioufly confidering what that council could say or propole to us; among whom there were divers justly in great reputation for grace and wisdom.

In thefe inftances, Sir, of my conduct, and others, (to which you were not privy,) in the courfe of that most melancholy contention with Mr Edwards, wherein I now fee that I was very much influenced by vast pride, felf-fufficiency, ambition, and vanity. I appear to myfelf vile, and doubtless much more fo to others, who are more impartial; and do in the review thereof, abhor myself, and repent forely; and if my own heart condemns me, it behoves me folemnly to remember, that God is greater, and knoweth all things; and I hereby own, Sir, that fuch treatInent of Mr Edwards, as is herein before mentioned, wherein I was fo deeply concerned and active, was particularly and very aggravatedly finful and ungrateful in me, because I was not only under the common obligations of each individual of the fociety to him, as to a moft able, diligent paftor; but I had also received many inftances of his tenderness, goodness, and generofity to me, as a young kinfman, whom he was difpofed to treat in a most friendly manner.

Indeed, Sir, I must own, that by my conduct in confulting and acting against Mr Edwards within the time of our most unhappy difputes with him, and efpecially in and about that abominable remonstrance, I have fo far fymbolized with Balaam, Ahitophel, and Judas, that I am confounded and filled with terror oftentimes when I attend to the most painful fimilitude.

And

And I freely confefs, that on account of my conduct above mentione, I have the greatest reafon to tremble at thofe moft folemn and awful words of our Saviour, Matth. xviii. 6. and thofe Luke x. at the 16. and I am most forely fenfible, that nothing but that infinite grace and mercy which faved fome of the betrayers and murderers of our bleffed Lord, and the perfecutors of his martyrs, can pardon me; in which alone I hope for pardon, for the fake of Chrift, whofe blood, (bleffed be God,) cleanfeth from all fin. On the whole, Sir, I am convinced, that I have the greateft reafon to fay as David, "Have mercy upon me, O God, ac"cording to thy loving kindness, according to the multitude of thy ten"der mercies, blot out my tranfgreffions, wash me thoroughly from "mine iniquity, and cleanfe me from my fin; for I acknowledge my tranfgreffions, and my fin is ever before me: hide thy face from my "fins, and blot out all mine iniquities: create in me a clean heart, "God, and renew a right fpirit within me; caft me not away from thy prefence, and take not thy holy Spirit from me: restore unto me the "joy of thy falvation, and uphold me with thy free Spirit."

And I humbly apprehend, that it greatly concerns the church of Northampton, moft seriously to examine, whether the many hard fpeeches, fpoken by many particular members, against their former paftor, fome of which the church really countenanced, and especially thofe fpoken by the church as a body, in that moft vile remonftrance, are not fo odious and ungodly, as to be utterly uncapable of defence; and whether faid church were not guilty of great fin in being fo willing and difpofed, for fo flight a caufe, to part with fo faithful and godly a minister as Mr Edwards was. And whether ever God will hold us guiltlefs till we cry to him for Chrift's fake. to pardon and fave us from that judgment which fuch ungodly deeds deferve, and publicly humble and take fhame to ourfelves therefor. And I moft heartily with and pray that the town and church of Northampton would ferioufly and carefully examine whether they have not abundant cause to judge that they are now lying under great guilt in the fight of God; and whether those of us, who were concerned in that moft awful contention with Mr Edwards, can ever more reafonably expect God's favour and bleffing, till our eyes are opened, and we become thoroughly convinced that we have greatly provoked the Most High, and been injurious to one of the beft of men; and until we shall be thoroughly convinced that we have dreadfully perfecuted Chrift by perfecuting and vexing that just man and fervant of Chrift; until we shall be humble as in the duft therefor, and till we op nly, in full terms, and without baulking the matter, confefs the fame before the world, and most humbly and carneftly feek forgivenefs of God, and do what we can to honour the memory of Mr Edwards, and clear it of all the afperfions which we unjustly caft upon him, fince God has been pleafed to put it beyond our power to afk his forgivenefs. Such terms, I am perfuaded, the great and righteous God will hold us to, and that it will be in vain for us to hope to escape with impunity in any other way. This I am convinced of with regard to myfelf, and this way I most folemnly. propose to take myself, (if God in his mercy fhall give me opportunity.) that fo by making free confeffion to God and man of my fin and guilt, and publicly taking fhame to myself therefor, I may give glory to the God of Ifrael, and do what in me lies, to clear the memory of that ven

erable

erable man from the wrongs and injuries I was fo active in bringing on his reputation and character; and I thank God that he has been pleased to spare my life and opportunity therefor to this time, and am forry that I have delayed the affair to long.

Altho' I made the fubftance of a most all the foregoing reflections in writing, but not exactly in the same manner, to Mr Edwards and the brethren who adhered to him, in Mr Edwards's life, and before he removed from Stockbridge, and I have reason to believe that he, from his great candour. and charity, heartily forgave me and prayed for me: yet because that was not generally known, I look on myself obliged to take further steps; for while I kept filence, my bones waxed old, &c.

For all thefe, my great fins, therefore, in the first place, I humbly and moft earnestly ask forgiveness of God; nextly, of the relatives and near friends of Mr Edwards. I also ask the forgiveness of all those who were called Mr Edwards's adherents and of all the members of the ecclefiaffical councils above mentioned; and laftly, of all Chriftian people, who have had any knowledge of the matters above faid, or any of them.

:

I have no defire, Sir, that you should make any fecret of this letter; but defire you would communicate the fame to whom you fhall judge proper; and I purpofe (if God fhall give me opportunity) to procure it to be publifhed in fome one of the public newspapers; for I cannot devile any other way of making known my fentiments of the foregoing matters to all who ought to be acquainted therewith, and therefore I think I ought to do it, whatever remarks I may forefee will be made thereon.

Probably when it comes out, fome of my acquaintance will pronounce me quite over-run with vapours; others will be furnifhed with matter for mirth and pleafantry; others will curforily pafs it over, as relating to matters quite ftale; but fome I am perfuaded, will rejoice to fee me brought to a fenfe of my fin and duty; and I myself fhall be confcious that I have done fomething of what the nature of the cafe admits, toward undoing what is, and long has been, to my greatest remorfe and trouble that it was ever done.

Sir, I defire that none would entertain a thought from my having spoken refpectfully of Mr Edwards, that I am difaffected to our prefent paftor; for the very reverfe is true; and I have a reverend efteem, real value, and hearty affection for him, and blefs God, that he has, notwithstanding all our unworthinefs, given us one to fucceed Mr Edwards, who, (as I have reafon to hope,) is truly faithful.

I conclude this long letter, by heartily defiring your prayers, that my repentance of my fins above mentioned may be unfeigned and genuine, and fuch as God in infinite mercy, for Chrift's fake, will accept; and I beg leave to fubscribe myself,

Sir, your real, though very unworthy friend,
and obedient fervant,

JOSEPH HAWLEY.