You're a Christian, no doubt you believe, you believe: You're a martyr, whatever you be! Is the breakfast-hour past? They must wait, they must wait, While the coffee boils sullenly down, While the Johnny-cake burns on the grate, on the - grate, And the toast is done frightfully brown. Yes, your dinner will keep; let it cool, let it cool, And children half-starved go to school, go to school; - Hark! the bell for the train! "Come along! Come along! For there is n't a second to lose." "ALL ABOARD!" (He holds on.) "Fsht! ding-dong! Fsht! ding-dong!" You can follow on foot, if you choose. -There's a maid with a cheek like a peach, like a peach, That is waiting for you in the church; But he clings to your side like a leech, like a leech, And you leave your lost bride in the lurch. -There's a babe in a fit,— hurry quick! hurry quick! To the doctor's as fast as you can! The baby is off, while you stick, while you stick, In the grip of the dreadful Old Man ! I have looked on the face of the Bore, of the Bore; The voice of the Simple I know ; I have welcomed the Flat at my door, at my door; I have sat by the side of the Slow; I have walked like a lamb by the friend, by the friend, That stuck to my skirts like a burr ; I have borne the stale talk without end, without end, Of the sitter whom nothing could stir : But my hamstrings grow loose, and I shake, and I shake, Yea, I quiver and quake, and I take, and I take, O the dreadful Old Man of the Sea, of the Sea! ODE FOR A SOCIAL MEETING. WITH SLIGHT ALTERATIONS BY A TEETOTALER. COME! fill a fresh bumper, for why should we go logwood While the neetar still reddens our cups as they flow? decoction Pour out the rich juices still bright with the sun, dye-stuff Till o'er the brimmed crystal the rubies shall run. half-ripened apples The purple globed clusters their life-dews have bled; taste sugar of lead How sweet is the breath of the fragrance they shed! rank poisons wines!!! For summer's last roses lie hid in the wines stable-boys smoking long-nines That were garnered by maidens who laughed thro' the vines. scowl howl scoff sneer Then a smile, and a glass, and a toast, and a eheer, strychnine and whiskey, and ratsbane and beer For all the good wine, and we've some of it here! In cellar, in pantry, in attic, in hall, Down, down with the tyrant that masters us all! Long live the gay servant that laughs for us all! THE DEACON'S MASTERPIECE: OR THE WONDERFUL "ONE-HOSS SHAY." A LOGICAL STORY. HAVE you heard of the wonderful one-hoss shay, That was built in such a logical way It ran a hundred years to a day, And then, of a sudden, it - ah, but stay, I'll tell you what happened without delay, Frightening people out of their wits, Have you ever heard of that, I say? Seventeen hundred and fifty-five. It was on the terrible Earthquake-day Now in building of chaises, I tell you what, In panel, or crossbar, or floor, or sill, A chaise breaks down, but does n't wear out. But the Deacon swore, (as Deacons do, With an "I dew vum," or an "I tell yeou,”) He would build one shay to beat the taown 'n' the keounty 'n' all the kentry raoun'; It should be so built that it couldn' break daown: "Fur," said the Deacon, "'t 's mighty plain Thut the weakes' place mus' stan' the strain; 'n' the way t' fix it, uz I maintain, Is only jest T' make that place uz strong uz the rest." So the Deacon inquired of the village folk |