Peter with a file of dragoons at his heels, and gathering from all hands what was in the wind, he and his gang, after several millions of scurrilities and curses, not very important here to repeat †, by main force very fairly kicked them both out of doors, and would never let them come under his roof from that day to this.

!

SECT. V.

A DIGRESSION IN THE MODERN KIND.

WE, whom the world is pleased to honour with the title of modern authors, should never have been able to compass our great design of an everlasting remembrance, and never-dying fame, if our endeavours had not been so highly serviceable to the general good of mankind. This, O universe, is the adventurous attempt of me thy secretary;

Quemvis preferre laborem

Suadet, & inducit noctes vigilare serenas.

To this end, I have some time since, with a world of pains and art, dissected the carcase of human nature, and read many useful lectures upon the se veral parts, both containing and contained; till at last it smelt so strong, I could preserve it no longer.

* By Peter's dragoons is meant the civil power, which those princes, who were bigotted to the Romish superstition, em ployed against the reformers. H.

·

+ It should be, here to be repeated.' S.

The Pope shuts all who dissent from him out of the church. H.

Upon which, I have been at a great expense to fit up all the bones with exact contexture, and in due symmetry; so that I am ready, to shew a very complete anatomy thereof, to all curious gentlemen and others. But not to digress farther in the midst of a digression, as I have known some authors enclose digressions in one another, like a nest of boxes; I do affirm, that having carefully cut up human nature, I have found a very strange, new, and important discovery; that the publick good of mankind is performed ly two ways, instruction, and diversion. And I have farther proved in my said several readings (which perhaps the world may one day see, if I can prevail on any friend to steal a copy, or on certain gentlemen of my admirers to be very importunate) that as mankind is now disposed, he receives much greater advantage by being diverted than instructed; his epidemical diseases being fastidiosity, amorphy, and oscitation; whereas in the present universal empire of wit and learning, there seems but little matter left for instruction. However, in compliance with a lesson of great age and authority, I have attempted carrying the point in all its heights and accordingly throughout this divine treatise, have skilfully kneaded up both together, with a layer of utile, and a layer of dulce.

When I consider how exceedingly our illustrious moderns, have eclipsed the weak glimmering lights of the ancients, and turned them out of the road of all fashionable commerce, to a degree, that our choice Town-witst, of most refined accomplish

*Neither grammar not custom will allow this mode of expression; the relative, 'he,' can never agree with, mankind :? it should her be, as man is now disposed, he' &c. or 4, as mankind are now disposed, they' &

S.,

+ The earned person, here meant by our author, has been endeavouring to annihilate so many ancient writers, that, unu

ments, are in grave dispute, whether there have been ever any ancients or not: in which point, we are likely to receive wonderful satisfaction, from the most useful labours and lucubrations of that worthy modern, Dr. Bentley: I say, when I consider all this, I cannot but bewail, that no famous modern has ever yet attempted a universal system, in a small portable volume, of all things that are to be known, or believed, or imagined, or practised in life. I am however forced to acknowledge, that such an enterprize was thought on some time ago by a great philosopher of O. Brazile The method he proposed, was, by a certain curious receipt," a 'nostrum, which after his untimely death I found among his papers; and do here, out of my great affection to the modern learned, present them with it, not doubting it may one day encourage some worthy undertaker.

You take fair correct copies, well bound in calfskin and lettered at the back, of all modern bodies of arts and sciences whatsoever, and in what language you please. These you distil in balneo maria infusing quintessence of poppy Q. S. together with three pints of Lethe, to be had from the apothecaries. You cleanse away carefully the sordes and caput mortuum, letting all that is volatile evaporate. You preserve only the first running, which is again to be distilled seve seventeen times, till what remains will amount to about two drams. This you keep in á glass vial hermetically sealed, for one and twenty days. Then you begin your catholick treatise, taking every morning fasting, first shaking the vial,

A

he is pleased to stop his hand,, it will be dangerous to affirm, whether there have been any ancients in the world. Original. *This is an imaginary island, of kin to that, which is called the Painters wives island, placed in some unknown part of the ocean, merely at the fancy of the map maker. H.

three drops of this elixir, snuffing it strongly up your nose. It will dilate itself about the brain (where there is any) in fourteen minutes, and you immediately perceive in your head an infinite number of abstracts, summaries, compendiums, extracts, collections, medullas, excerpta quædams, florilegias, and the like, all disposed into great order, and res ducible upon paper.

I must needs own, it was by the assistance of this arcanum, that I, though otherwise impar, have ad ventured upon so daring an attempt, never achieved or undertaken before, but by a certain author called Homer; in whom, though otherwise a person not without some abilities, and for an ancient, of a tolerable genius, I have discovered many gross errours, which are not to be forgiven his very ashes, if by chance any of them are left. For whereas we are assured, he designed his work for a complete body of all knowledge*, human, divine, political, and mechanick; it is manifest he has wholly neglected some, and been very imperfect in the rest. For, first of all, as eminent à cabalist as his disciples would represent him, his account of the opus mag, num is extremely poor and deficient; he seems to have read but very superficially either Sendivogus, Behmen, or Anthroposophia Thcomagica f. He is also quite mistaken about the sphæra pyroplastica, a neglect not to be atoned for; and, if the reader will admit so severe a censure, vix crederem autorem hunc unquam audivisse ignis vocem. His failings are

* Homerus omnes res humanas poematis complexus est, Xenoph. in conviv. Original. + A treatise written about fifty years ago, by a Welsh gentleman of Cambridge. His name as I remember, Vaughan, as appears by the answer to it written by the learned Dr. Henry More. It is a piece of the most unintelligible fustian, perhaps was ever published in any language. Original.

that

not less prominent in several parts of the mechanicks. For, having read his writings with the utmost application, usual among modern wits, I could never yet discover the least direction about the structure of that useful instrument, a saveall. For want of which, if the moderns had not lent their assistance, we might yet have wandered in the dark. But I have still behind a fault far more notorious to tax this author with; I mean, his gross ignorance in the common laws of this realm, and in the doctrine as well as discipline of the church of England *. A defect, indeed, for which both he, and all the ancients, stand most justly censured, by my worthy and ingenious friend, Mr. Wotton, bachelor of divinity, in his incomparable treatise of ancient and modern learning: a book, never to be sufficiently valued, whether we consider the happy turns and flowings of the author's wit, the great usefulness of his sublime discoveries upon the subject of flies and spittle, or the laborious eloquence of his style. And I cannot forbear doing that author the justice of my publick acknowledgements, for the great helps and liftings I had out of his incomparable piece, while I was penning this treatise.

But, beside these omissions in Homer already mentioned, the curious reader will also observe several defects in that author's writings, for which he is not altogether so accountable. For whereas every branch of knowledge has received such wonderful acquirements since his age, especially within these last three years, or thereabouts; it is almost impossible, he could be so very perfect in modern discoveries, as his advocates pretend, We freely ac

* Mr. Wotton, (to whom our author never gives any quarter) in his comparison of ancient and modern learning numbers divinity, law, &c. among those parts of knowledge, wherein wo excel the ancients. H.