nasty, slovenly mortal, raking in his own dung, and dabbling in his urine. The best part of his diet is the reversion of his own ordure, which, expiring into steams, whirls perpetually about, and at last re-infunds. His complexion is of a dirty yellow, with a thin scattered beard, exactly agreeable to that of his diet upon its first declination; like other insects, who having their birth and education in an excrement, from thence borrow their colour and their smell. The student of this apartment is very sparing of his words, but somewhat over-liberal of his breath he holds his hand out ready to receive your penny, and immediately upon receipt withdraws to his former occupations. Now, is it not amazing to think, the society of Warwick-lane should have no more concern for the recovery of so useful a member; who, if one may judge from these appearances, would become the greatest ornament to that illustrious body? Another student struts up fiercely to your teeth, puffing with his lips, half squeezing out his eyes, and very graciously holds you out his hand to kiss. The keeper desires you "not to be afraid of this professor, for he will do you no hurt :" to him alone is allowed the liberty of the anti-chamber, and the prator of the place gives you to understand, that this solemn person is a tailor run mad with pride. This considerable student is adorned with many other qualities, upon which at present I shall not farther enlarge *. Hark in your ear -I am strangely mistaken, if all his address, his motions, and his airs, would not then be very natural, and in their proper element.

I shall not descend so minutely, as to insist upon the vast number of beaux, fidlers, poets, and politi

* I cannot conjecture what the author means here, or how this chasm could be filled; though it is capable of more than one interpretation. W. WOTTON,

cians, that the world might recover by such a reformation; but what is more material, beside the clear gain redounding to the commonwealth, by so large an acquisition of persons to employ*, whose talents and acquirements, if I may be so bold as to affirm it, are now buried, or at least misapplied; it would be a mighty advantage accruing to the publick from this enquiry, that all these would very much excel, and arrive at great perfection in their several kinds; which, I think, is manifest from what I have already shown, and shall enforce by this one plain instance; that even I myself, the author of these momentous truths, am a person, whose imaginations are hard-mouthed, and exceedingly disposed to run away with his reason, which I have observed from long experience, to be a very light rider, and easily shaken off upon which account, my friends will never trust me alone, without a solemn promise to vent my speculations in this, or the like manner, for the universal benefit of humankind; which perhaps the gentle, courteous, and candid reader, brimful of that modern charity and tenderness usually annexed to his office, will be very hardly persuaded to believe.

SECT. X.

A FARTHER DIGRESSION.

Ir is an unanswerable argument of a very refined aget, the wonderful civilities that have passed of *It should be, of persons to be employed.' S.

+ Thus first sentence is wholly ungrammatical; it may be thus amended. It is an unanswerable argument of the age's being very refined, that wonderful civilities have paffed,' &:. S.

late years between the nation of authors, and that of readers. There can hardly pop out a play*, a pamphlet, or a poem, without a preface full of acknowledgement to the world for the general reception and applause they have given it, which the Lord knows where, or when, or how, or from whom it received. In due deference to so laudable a custom, I do here return my humble thanks to his majesty, and both houses of parliament; to the lords of the king's most honourable privy-council; to the reverend the judges; to the clergy, and gentry, and yeomanry of this land: but in a more especial manner, to my worthy brethren and friends at Will's coffee-house, and Gresham-college, and Warwick-lane, and Moorfields, and Scotland-yard, and Westminster-hall, and Guild-hall: in short, to all inhabitants and retainers whatsoever, either in court, or church, or camp, or city, or country; for their generous and universal acceptance of this divine treatise. I accept their approbation and good opinion with extreme gratitude, and, to the utmost of my poor capacity, shall take hold of all opportunities to return the obligation.

I am also happy, that fate has flung me into so blessed an age, for the mutual felicity of booksellers and authors, whom I may safely affirm to be at this day the two only satisfied parties in England. Ask an author how his last piece has succeeded; "why, truly, he thanks his stars, the world has been very favourable, and he has not the least reason to complain and yet, by G-, he writ it in a week, at bits and starts, when he could steal an hour from his urgent affairs;" as it is a hundred to one, you may see farther in the preface, to which he refers you; and for the rest, to the bookseller. There you go as a customer, and make the same question:

This is literally true; as we may observe in the preface to miest Plays, Poems, &c. Ori_inal,

he "blesses his god, the thing takes wonderfully, he is just printing the second edition, and has but three left in his shop." You beat down the price:

Sir, we shall not differ;" and, in hopes of your custom another time, lets you have it as reasonable as you please; "and pray send as many of your acquaintance as you will, I shall, upon your account, furnish them all at the same rate."

Now, it is not well enough considered, to what accidents and occasions the world is indebted, for the greatest part of those noble writings, which hourly start up to entertain it. If it were not for a rainy day, a drunken vigil, a fit of the spleen, a course of physick, a sleepy Sunday, an ill run at dice, a long tailor's bill, a beggar's purse, a factious head, a hot sun, costive diet, want of books, and a just contempt of learning: but for these events, I say, and some others too long to recite (especially a prudent neglect of taking brimstone inwardly) I doubt, the number of authors, and of writings, would dwindle away to a degree most woful to behold. To confirm this opinion, hear the words of the fa mous Troglodyte philosopher: "It is certain (said) he) some grains of folly are of course annexed, as part of the composition of human nature; only the choice is left us, whether we please to wear them inlaid, or embossed and we need not to go very far to seek how that is usually determined, when we remember, it is with human faculties, as with liquors, the lightest will be ever at the top."

There is in this famous island of Britain, a certain paltry scribbler, very voluminous, whose character the reader cannot wholly be a stranger to *.

*This mode of placing the preposition at the end of the sentence, however sanctified by custom, and frequently used by our author, is yet very faulty, and offensive to a cultivated It may easily be avoided by placing the preposition before the word to which it properly belongs. Thus, in the

He deals in a pernicious kind of writings, called Second parts; and usually passes under the name of The Author of the First. I easily foresce, that as soon as I lay down my pen, this nimble operator. will have stolen it, and treat me as inhumanly as he has already done Dr. Blackmore, Lestrange, and many others. who shall here be nameless; I therefore fly for justice and relief, into the hands of that great rectifier of saddles*, and lover of mankind, Dr. Bentley; begging he will take this enormous grievance into his most modern consideration: and if it should so happen, that the furniture of an ass, in the shape of second part, must, for my own sins, be clapped by a mistake upon my back, that he will immediately please, in the presence of the world, to lighten me of the burden, and take it home to his own house, till the true beast thinks fit to call for it.

In the mean time I do here give this publick notice, that my resolutions are, to circumscribe within this discourse,,the whole stock of matter, I have been so many years providing. Since my vein is once opened, I am content to exhaust it all at a running, for the peculiar advantage of my dear country, and for the universal benefit of mankind. Therefore hospitably considering the number of my guests, they shall have my whole entertainment at a meal; and I scorn to set up the leavings in the cupboard. What the guests cannot eat, may be given to the poor; and the dogs + under the table

above instance, instead of saying, 'whose character the reader cannot wholly be a stranger to,'-if we transpose the particle thus, to whose character the reader cannot wholly be a stranger; the sentence closes with an important word, in a manner satisfactory to the ear. S.

* Alluding to the trite phrafe, place the saddle on the right horse. H.

By dogs, the author means common injudicious criticks, as he explains it himself before in his D'gression upon Cris ticks. H.

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