Page images
PDF
EPUB

ance and adoption of the young ladies of the present day, is an affectation of refinement-not refinement of feeling as relates to the means possessed by every human being, of increasing pleasure and alleviating pain, in the circle of friends or relatives by which they are surrounded; but refinement of self, so that the individual who has attained to this degree of elevation shall be exempt from all personal obligations, particularly such as would render her instrumental in the performance of social and domestic services among her fellow-creatures. Women who affect this kind of refinement, are extremely fastidious in all that relates to manual employment. They cannot touch the coarse material that supplies our bodily wants, or constitutes our personal comfort. They loathe the very mention of those culinary compounds, which, nevertheless, their fair lips condescend to admit; and they shrink with horror from the vulgar notion that the old grandmother-duties of preparing a clean hearth, and a comfortable fireside, for a husband or a brother, could by any possibility devolve upon them. For this kind of affectation, however, there is some excuse in our natural indolence; and in the exemption it procures from personal exertion; but when we see the absolute pains which some of the same individuals will take | to make themselves appear dependent, useless, and wholly inadequate to self-preservation, we are startled with a new idea, and entirely at a loss to account for this phenomenon in human nature.

It is with difficulty I admit the belief that women are in reality the victims of all those foolish fears with which they profess to be annoyed, and with which they unquestionably are very successful in annoying others. It is with difficulty I admit this belief, because I see, and see with admiration, that some of the most delicate women, the most sensitively alive to impression, and the most susceptible both of pleasure and pain, can, when called upon by duty, and actuated by principle, set all these idle fears aside, and dare to do what man would almost shrink from. I cannot, therefore, divest myself of all suspicion, that

a little of this feminine timidity is sometimes assumed, and a great deal of it encouraged, for the sake of effect-for the sake of making it appear to society that the individual who acts this part is too refined to have ever been accustomed to the rough usages of common life.

I say this with all charity, and with much compassion for those whose bodily and mental conformation does really render them the victims of causeless fear; and when we see such persons endeavoring to subdue their timidity, ashamed of it as a weakness, and especially solicitous for it not to interfere with the comfort or convenience of others, they justly claim, not only our sympathy, but our admiration. It is the display of terror that I would speak of in terms which can scarcely be too contemptuous; the becoming start, the modulated shriek, the studied appeal for manly protection, and all that elaboration of feminine delicacy which it sometimes appears to be the business of a life to exhibit.

Besides this kind of affectation, I will mention another species, if possible, still more unnaccountable in its nature and cause. It is the affectation of ignorance respecting common things. It is by no means unusual with young ladies to appear to plume themselves upon not knowing how any familiar or ordinary thing is made or done. They refuse to understand any thing about machinery, and bring into their conversation what they seem to regard as the most entertaining blunders, whenever conversation turns upon the occupations of the laboring classes. The same individuals seldom know the way to any place, are incapable of discovering whether their faces are turned to the north or the south; and if you ask them, with any idea of receiving an answer, from what quarter the wind is blowing, you might as well expect them to tell you whether the tide is at that moment rising in Nootka Sound.

If any of these confessions of ignorance, when forced upon them, were attended with embarrassment or shame, they would claim our sisterly compassion; and sorry should I be to make their blushes the subject of public

remark. But when we find this ignorance persisted in, made conspicuous on every possible occasion, and attended with

"Nods, and becks, and wreathed smiles,"

as if it were sure to meet with a favorable reception in society, we cannot withhold the exclamation of our patriot poet, that from our souls we "loathe all affectation."

It is evident that this helplessness, and this ignorance, where they are assumed, must be so for the purpose of attracting attention, claiming assistance, it may be, from the other sex, and establishing an unquestionable claim to refinement, by giving forth to society an idea of habits of exclusion from all vulgar or degrading association.

It is difficult to imagine a mode of life, or a combination of circumstances, less advantageous to the cultivation of such false notions of refinement, than those which are presented by the real situation of the women of England; and it is impossible not to look, with gloomy anticipations for the future welfare of our country, upon the increasing prevalence of these erroneous ideas of what is really excellent and admirable in the female character.

The view we have taken of the subjects at present under consideration, naturally leads us to that great root of more than half the folly and the misery existing among womenthe love of admiration.

be a fruitless waste of time and thought. It is to the opposite extreme of character that our attention must now be given. And here I would request the reader to bear in mind, that my remarks refer strictly to the love of admiration, not to the love of approbation, which I take to be a natural and lawful stimulus to all that is excellent in female conduct. When we look upon human life with "critical inspection," we find that a vast proportion of the apparent motives acted upon before the world, are not the real motives by which the individual actors are influenced; and that this system of deception is often carried on unconsciously to them, because they are themselves betrayed by the deceitfulness of their own hearts. In no instance is this more strikingly the case than in our love of admiration. To gratify this desire, what suffering are we not willing to endure, what pains do we not take, what patience can we not exercise! and all under the most plausible pretences-pretences that impose upon others less effectually than ourselves, that we are acting upon higher and more praiseworthy principles. There is this difference, however, to be observed between acting from worthy and unworthy motives: when our endeavors are unsuccessful and our motives correct, we seldom give way to the fretfulness of disappointment; but when our endeavors are ineffectual, and we look back into our own hearts, and find them unsupported by any

The extreme case of a woman totally in- laudable object, our fretfulness is often exasdifferent to the good opinion of her fellow-perated into bitterness and spleen. creatures, would fail to recommend itself to our regard, inasmuch as it would argue a deficiency in her nature, of those feelings which have been given her as a means of happiness to herself and benefit to others. She would stand amid her fellow-creatures a lonely and isolated being, living and acting without reference to the existence of any other being; and if she escaped the thousand disappointments of those who act from opposite motives, she would be equally exempt from any claim upon their affection.

Such individuals, however, are so rare, that the consideration of their peculiarities would

Observation and experience have taught me to believe, that many of the secret sorrows of woman's life owe half their poign ancy to the disappointment of not being able to obtain the degree of admiration which has been studiously sought. A popular and elegant writer has said "How often do the wounds of our vanity form the secret of our pathos!" And to the situation, and the feelings of woman, this observation is more especially applicable. Still there is much to be said for woman in this respect. By the nature of her own feelings, as well as by the established rules of polished life, she is thrown,

as it were, upon the good-will of society. Unable to assert her own claims to protection, she must endeavor to ensure it by secondary means, and she knows that the protection of man is best ensured by recommending herself to his admiration.

Nor is this all. There is but a faint line of demarkation between admiration and love. Though essentially different in their nature, and not always called forth by the same individual, their outward aspect is still so much alike, and there is so frequent a transition made from the one to the other, that it requires more able reasoning than the generality of women are capable of, to know exactly when they are exciting admiration, and when they are inspiring love. There is, however, one infallible test by which the case may be decided, and I cannot too earnestly recommend to my country women to apply it to themselves. If they are admired without being beloved, they may possibly be favorites in company abroad, but they will be no favorites at home-they may obtain the good-will of a mere acquaintance, but they will be solitary and neglected at their own fireside. If they are cultivating such habits as are calculated to make them really beloved, especially at home, they may retire from company in which they have been wholly overlooked, to find the warmest welcome of the domestic circle awaiting their return-they may not be able to create any perceptible sensation when they appear in public, but every familiar countenance around their social hearth will be lighted up with smiles when they appear. With regard to the love of admiration, it is much to be regretted that all women who make this one of the chief objects of their lives, do not at the same time evince an equal solicitude to be admired for what is really praiseworthy. Were this the case, they would at least be employed in cultivating useful habits; and as the student who aims at obtaining a prize, even if he fails in that direct object, has obtained what is more desirable, in the power of application which he has made himself master of; so the woman who aims at moral excellence, if the

taste of society is too vitiated to receive with admiration the first inpression her character is calculated to make, has yet acquired such habits as will prove an inestimable treasure throughout the whole of her after life.

We do not, however, see that this is the case so much as might be desired in modern society. There is an appearance among the women of the present day, of being too eager for an immediate tribute of admiration, to wait for the development of moral worth; and thus they cultivate those more shining accomplishments, which dazzle and delight for the moment, but leave no materials for agreeable reflection behind. Like the conductor of an exhibition of fireworks, they play off their splendid combinations of light and color; but the magazine is soon expended, and the scene closes with weariness, and vacuity, and the darkness of night.

What a waste of time, and means, and application, for such a result! What an expenditure of thought and feeling, to have produced this momentary display! Surely no philanthropist can behold unmoved the pitiful objects for which women, who court the incense of admiration, are spending their lives. Surely none of the patriot sons of Britain can look on, and see with indifference the sisters, the wives, the mothers, of our English homes, perpetually employed, even in a world of care and suffering, of anxiety and disappointment, in administering to the momentary gratification of the eye and the ear, while the heart is left unsatisfied, and the drooping soul uncheered.

The desire of being beloved is an ambition of a far more amiable and praiseworthy character. But who shall record the endless variety of suffering it entails upon woman? I will not believe of my sex, that it is the love of admiration only, which gives birth to all those rivalries and mortifications-that envy, and spleen, and bitterness, which mar the felicity of female companionship. It must be some deeper feeling; and I at least will give them credit for being wounded in a tenderer point than their vanity, before they can so far do violence to their gentler nature, as to

revenge upon each other the slights and the humiliations they receive.

Yes it is to human calculation the most pardonable, and yet it is the most soul-besetting sin of woman, to be perpetually investing earthly objects with an interest too intense for her own happiness; and asking of some oracle she has herself established, for an answer to the language of her own wn heart. Let her seek as she may, the admiration and applause of the world, it never satisfies the craving of her soul. She must have something to come home to-a shelter even in the brightest sunshine-a bower in the fairest garden-a shrine within the richest temple. She cannot mingle with the stream of life, and float securely on, as one among the many. She will not even be exalted in solitary distinction. The world has no wealth to offer, that she would possess alone.

This is the true nature of woman; and the home she seeks is in the hearts of those who are bound to her by affection. She knows that her place in this home is not to be maintained without unceasing care; and hence the solicitude she bestows upon things of trifling moment. She knows also that in some instances she is liable to be supplanted; she feels, perhaps, that she is not worthy to monopolize so honorable a place; and hence her watchfulness and jealousy. It may be that she is "discarded thence," for human love is sometimes treacherous; and hence her wounded spirit, and the occasional outpouring of natural feeling, by which she brings upon herself the odium of bitterness and revenge.

Thus the darkest faults of woman may often be traced back to those peculiarities of her nature, which, under favoring circumstances, and with the Divine blessing, may constitute her highest recommendation, and surest source of happiness. How important is it, then, since to woman it is essential to be loved, that she should not expect to reap where she has never sown, and thus incur the most painful disappointment to which her suffering nature is liable!

With regard to the anxiety to be admired, then, I would propose that approve should be substituted for admire, and just so far as women seek the approval of their friends, under the guidance of religious truth, there is every reason to believe they will reap an abundant reward. With regard to the desire to be beloved, I can only repeat, that the women of England are peculiarly blessed in the means they possess of rendering themselves estimable in society; and the opportunities they enjoy of cultivating the kindest and happiest feelings of our nature. They have the homes of England in their keeping; and the hearts within those homes must necessarily be attracted or repelled by the light or the shade which their presence diffuses around them. They cannot complain that circumstances are against them in the attainment of moral worth. All the natural characteristics of their native country are in their favor. The happiness of the whole human family, and especially of man, supplies them with a never-failing motive. Nature and religion are both on their side-the one to prompt, the other to lure them on. They have the gratitude of their fellow-creatures awaiting their endeavors-and what is more, they have the gracious approval of their heavenly Father, as their encouragement and reward.

CHAPTER XII.

PUBLIC OPINION-PECUNIARY RESOURCES-IN

TEGRITY.

THE respect paid by women to public opinion, and to the conventional rules of society, might have been considered with some propriety under the head of love of admiration, did not the immediate connection of this subject with that of integrity, render it more suited to the present chapter.

To use a popular Germanism, it is but a one-sided view of the subject that we take, when we suppose that the hope of being admired is the strongest stimulus to the female

character in all cases where her conduct is referred to public opinion. The dread of being censured or condemned, exercises, I am inclined to think, a far more extensive influence over her habits and her feelings. Any deviation from the fashionable mode of dress, or from the established usages of polished life, present an appalling difficulty to a woman of ordinary mind, brought up under the tutelage of what is called the world. She cannot-positively cannot-dare not-will not do any thing that the world has pronounced unladylike. Nor, while she lives in the world, and mixes in polished society, is it at all desirable that she should deviate from such universally acknowledged rules, except where absolute duty leads her into a different line of conduct. I should be the last person to advise a woman to risk the consequences of such deviations, simply for the sake of being singular; because, I regard the assumption of singularity for its own sake, as one of the most absurd of all the varied specimens of affectation which human life affords.

To choose to be singular without a sufficient reason, and to dare to be so in a noble cause, are so widely different, that I desire to be clearly understood in the remarks I am about to make, as referring strictly to those cases in which duty renders it necessary for women to deviate from the fashions and established customs of the time or place in which they live.

While the tide of prosperity bears us smoothly on, and our means are ample, and our luxuries abundant, we suffer little inconvenience from the tyranny of the world in these respects. Indeed, it is rather an agreeable amusement to many ladies to consult the fashions of the day, and to be among the first to change their mode of dress-to order costly furniture, and to receive company in the most approved and lady-like style. But as I have before observed, of the class of persons to which this work chiefly relates, the tide of prosperity is apt to ebb, as well as to flow; and as it recedes from us the whole aspect of the world is not only changed to us, but the aspect of our conduct is changed to

the world; so that, what it approved in us before, and honored with its countenance, is now the subject of its extreme and bitter condemnation.

It is then that we discover, we have been serving a hard master; but unfortunately for thousands of human beings, the discovery brings with it no freedom from that service. We loathe the cruel bondage; but habit is too strong for conviction, and we continue to wear the galling chain. It is, then, in cases of adverse fortune, that we see the incalculable benefit of having made the moral duties of social and domestic life the rule of our conduct, and of having regarded all outward embellishments as things of very subordinate importance.

It is a case of by no means rare occurrence, that the young women of England return home from school more learned in the modes of dress, and habits of conduct prevailing among the fashionable and the wealthy, than in any of those systems of intellectual culture in which they have been instructed. Or, if their knowledge has not extended to what is done in fashionable life, they have at least learned to despise what is done among the vulgar and the poor, to look upon certain kinds of dress as impossible to be worn, and to regard with supreme contempt every indication of the absence of fashionable manners. So far as their means of information could be made to extend, they have laid down, for the guidance of their future lives, the exact rules by which the outward conduct of a lady ought to be regulated, and by these rules they determine to abide.

If this determination was applied exclusively to what is delicate, refined, and lovely in the female character, they would unquestionably be preparing themselves for being both esteemed and beloved; but unfortunately for them, their attention is too often directed to the mode of dress worn by persons much higher than themselves in worldly prosperity, and to all the minutiae of look and manner, which they regard as indications of easy circumstances and exemption from vulgar occupation.

1

« PreviousContinue »