good humor, such a man might easily be brought to consider them as necessary to the good of his household, as the refreshing shower is to the summer soil. animals, even in the minds of the most delicate females, except where early instruction has given to this regard the force of principle-great and charitable allowance ought to be made for the conduct of men in this respect: and perhaps the best and only means of remedying the evil, which any woman can adopt, is to bring up her children, if she be a mother, with higher and more enlightened views of the requirements of Christian duty. It is a well-known fact, that men in general appear to consider themselves justly entitled to the privilege of being out of humor about their food. Thus the whole pleasure of a social meal is sometimes destroyed by some trifling error in the culinary department, or the non-appearance of some expected indulgence. But here again, our forbearance is called into exercise, by remembering the probability there is, that such men have had silly mothers, who made the pleasures of their childhood to consist chiefly of such as belong to the palate; and here too, if the wife cannot remedy this evil, and in all probability it will be beyond her power to do so, she may, by her judicious efforts to promote the welfare of the rising generation, impart to the youthful minds committed to her care, or subject to her influence, a juster estimate of what belongs to the true enjoyment of intel-ness has to be done, will not choose to rise lectual and immortal beings. A causeless and habitual neglect of punctu ality on the part of the master of a house, is certainly a grievance very difficult to bear; because as he is the principal person in the household, and the first to be considered, the whole machinery of domestic management must necessarily be dependent upon his movements; and more especially, since it so happens, that persons who are the most accustomed to keep others waiting, have the least patience to wait for others. Thus it not unfrequently occurs, that a wife is all day urging on her servants to a punctual attention to the dinner-hour appointed by her husband, and when that hour arrives, he has either forgotten it himself, or he allows some trifling hindrance to prevent his returning home until one, or perhaps two, hours later. Yet the same man, though in the habit of doing this day after day, will be excessively annoyed, if for once in his life he should be punctual to the appointed time, and not find all things ready on his return. Perhaps too the master of a family, on days of household bustle, when extra busi so early as usual; or he will sit reading the With all occasions of domestic derange- newspaper while his breakfast waits, and ment, such as washing days, and other reno- thus keep every member of his family standvations of comfort and order, some men of ing about unoccupied, with all the business irritable temperament wage open and deter- of the day before them. Or, he may be one mined war. But, may we not ask, in con- of those who like that women should be alnection with this subject, whether their pre-ways ready long before the necessary time, judices against these household movements and thus habitually name an hour for meethave not been remotely or immediately ex-ing, or setting out from home, at which he cited, by the extreme and unnecessary confusion and disturbance with which they are too frequently accompanied? For I cannot think that a reasonable man, on comparing an English home with a French one, for instance, would desire to be altogether exempt from such domestic purifications; and if properly managed, so as to interfere as little as possible with his personal comfort, and conducted with general cheerfulness and has not the remotest intention of being ready himself. Now, as the time of women, if properly employed, is too precious to be wasted, something surely may be done, not by endeavoring to overrule the movements of such a man so as to make him true to his own appointment, but by convincing him, that common honesty requires him simply to state the actual time at which he does intend to be ready. And here we see at once, one of those numerous instances in which a reasonable man will listen, and endeavor to amend; while an unreasonable man will either not listen, or not take the slightest pains to improve. with another nature, might, if they would use it for such a purpose, enable them not so much to know, as to feel, when they were giving pain, or awakening displeasure. Men, as I have just stated, are comparatively destitute of this power, as well as of that of sym therefore, they appear to women so perverse, and are consequently so difficult to bear with, it is often from their being wholly unconscious of the actual state of the case; of the long entanglement of inconveniences which their thoughtless ways are weaving; and consequently of the wounded feeling, disappointment, and vexation, which such thoughtlessness not unfrequently inflicts upon the weaker mind of woman, when the whole framework of her daily existence must be regulated by the movements of a husband who thinks of "none of these things." Again, there are men who like the import-pathy, to which it is so nearly allied. When, ance, and the feeling of power and decision which it gives them, to set out on a journey as if upon the spur of the moment, without having communicated their intentions even to the wife, who is most interested in making preparations for such a movement. And there are others, who when consulted about any thing, cannot be brought to give either their attention or their advice, so as to assist the judgment of a wife, who would gladly give satisfaction if she could; yet when the time to act upon their advice is past, will bestow their attention a little too severely upon the unfortunate being, who, consulting her own judgment as the only guide she had, will most probably have done exactly what they did not wish. But it would be an endless task, to go on enumerating instances of this description. I have merely mentioned these as specimens of the kind of daily and hourly trials which most women have to expect in the married state; and which, as I have before stated, may be greatly softened down, if not entirely reconciled, by the consideration already alluded to. Besides which, it is but candid to allow, that the greater proportion of these offences against temper and patience, originate in one of those peculiarities in the character of man which I have omitted to mention in its proper place. I mean the incapability under which he labors, of placing himself in idea in the situation of another person, so as to identify his feelings with theirs, and thus to enter into what they suffer and enjoy, as if the feeling were his own. This capability appears to be peculiarly a feminine one, and it exists among women in so high a degree, as to leave them little excuse if they irritate or give offence to others; because this innate power which they possess of identifying themselves for the moment But we have not yet' sufficiently examined that one consideration, which ever remains to be weighed in the balance against the trials of patience arising out of the conduct of men. And here we must first ask-have you yourself no personal peculiarities exactly opposed to your husband's notions of what is agreeable?-such as habits of disorder, dressing in bad taste, or any other of those minor deviations from delicacy or good breeding, which he might not have had an opportunity of observing before marriage? We all know that in men these peculiarities are of little importance, compared with what they are in the other sex. If, therefore, you offend in these things, you run imminent risk of impairing, by a succession of little annoyances, the warmth and the intensity of your husband's affection; for man's love, it must ever be remembered, is far more dependent than that of woman, upon having the taste and the fancy always pleased, and consequently upon reposing with perfect complacency on the object of its regard. Have we not all, then, abundant cause to be grateful for being borne with in our infirmities, and loved in spite of our personal defects? But if such peculiarities as these are of sufficient importance to cast a shadow over the sunny spots of life, what must we say of some others occasionally observable in the character and conduct of women, to which it is scarcely possible that much charity should be extended? And here I would ask, if you have never treasured up against your husband, some standing cause of complaint, to be thrown at him when an opportunity is offered by the presence of a friend, or a stranger, for discharging this weapon from the household quiver with perfect safety to yourself? Have you not upon the whole preferred having such grievances to complain of, rather than taking such peaceable and judicious measures as would be likely effectually to accomplish their removal? Have you never, in addition to this, refused an offer of personal gratification when it was convenient or agreeable for your husband to indulge you with it; and professed a somewhat exaggerated desire to accept of it, when the thing was impossible, or at least extremely difficult for your husband to grant? Have you never made the most of household troubles, spread forth the appurtenances of a wash, allowed the affairs of the kitchen to extend themselves to the parlor, complained unnecessarily of servants and workpeople, and appeared altogether in your own person more harassed, exhausted, and forlorn, after your husband's return home, than you did before, on purpose that he might be compelled, not only to pity you, but to bear a portion of your domestic discomfort himself? When a concatenation of cross occurrences, hindrances, or mistakes, have rendered every moment one of perplexity and haste; have you never, when involved with your husband in such circumstances, added fuel to the fire by your own petulance, or by your still more provoking exclamations of triumph, that you "thought it would come to that?" Or, when your husband has returned at an hour considerably later than he had appointed, have you never begun with breathless haste to remonstrate with him, and even allowed your remonstrances to extend to reproaches, before you gave him time to vindicate himself, or to say whether he had not in reality been unavoidably detained? Now, it is impossible for any woman of right feelings to hide from her conscience, that if she chooses to marry, she places herself under a moral obligation to make her husband's home as pleasant to him as she can. Instead, therefore, of behaving as if it was the great business of married life to complain, it is her peculiar duty as a wife, and one for which, by her natural constitution, she is especially fitted, to make all her domestic concerns appear before her husband to the very best advantage. She has time for her troubles and turmoils, if such things must necessarily be, a fact which I am a little disposed to question, when her husband is absent, or when she is engaged exclusively in her own department; and if she would make his home what it ought to be to him"an ever-sunny place," she will studiously shield him, as with the wings of love, from the possibility of feeling that his domestic annoyances give weight and poignancy to those more trying perplexities, which most men, engaged either in business, or in public affairs, find more than sufficient for their peace of mind. By those who write on the subject of temper in connection with the happiness of married life, much is generally said by way of giving weight to the importance of guarding against the first angry word. But though it is unquestionably most desirable to keep the tablet of experience as long unsullied as we can, I do not see exactly how this rule applies more to offences of temper, than to any other transgressions of the law of perfect love; for if it be felt, as it must be, a breach of this law to utter an unkind expression; it is equally so to allow any evidence to appear of a disposition to act counter to a husband's wishes, or even to forget or neglect what he considers essential to his comfort. Indeed, so various are the circumstances to which any remarks upon the subject of temper must apply, that the best possible plan which could be proposed for maintaining harmony and good feeling in one instance, might be the worst in another. As a case in point, there are unquestionably some individuals so constituted, that if in a moment of irritation, they do not speak out, the smothered feeling forcibly pent up, assumes with them the character of sullenness, and even approaches to that of dislike towards the of fender. Besides which, we should never know when we did offend, and might consequently go on to the end of life inflicting perpetual annoyance upon our fellow-creatures, if there were no outward evidence of the degree of displeasure which our inadvertences were causing. Not that I would by any means be guilty of recommending an approach to those violent outpourings of heated and impassioned feeling, which mark out some of the darkest passages of human life, by the remembrance, never to be obliterated, of angry and cruel expressions not possible to be often repeated without destroying the tenderness, and even the very life, of love. What I would say on the other side of the question, is simply this -that in reference to temper, no general rule can be laid down, scarcely can any human aid be called in, because of the diversity of dispositions upon which the influence of temper operates, and the difficulty to mere human reason of discovering exactly what is best for every case. In this, as in every other instance of human frailty, it is the power of religion upon the heart and conduct, which alone can afford any lasting or effectual help. And after all, as the subject bears upon the affection of human beings one towards another, with creatures frail as we are, and in a state of existence so imperfect as the present, it is not by an exemption from all offences that the purity or the strength of human love can be maintained; but far more so by mutual forgiveness, by sympathy with each other's infirmities, and by the constant exercise of that charity which thinketh no evil, and which suffereth long, and is kind. But leaving all further consideration of the trials of temper, as a subject which from its endless variety might rather be made to fill volumes than pages; we must turn to subjects of a more serious and alarming nature, and among these, it cannot be out of place to speak first of the deterioration of a husband's character, as taking precedence of other trials incident to married life. I have already said there can be no calamity in the vast catalogue of human miseries, at all comparable to watching the gradual extinction of that guiding light from the moral influence of a husband, to which a wife might reasonably be allowed to look for her greatest earthly encouragement in every effort to adhere to the dictates of duty, or the requirements of Christian principle. Here, then, it becomes most important to inquire, what can be done to stem the tide of evil, before it shall have borne away the whole fabric of domes| tic happiness. A true-hearted woman, herself impressed with the importance of moral and religious principle, will ever be most studious of her husband's safety in this respect; and if her own character, and her own example, are such as to give weight to her remonstrances, there is no calculating the degree to which her influence may not extend. Women, too, are often remarkably quick-sighted to the minor shades of good and evil; and they are thus sometimes enabled to detect a lurking tendency to what is wrong, before the mind of man is awakened to suspicion. Even in business, then, and in all affairs in which men are most liable to be deluded by self-interest, and by the prevailing customs of the world, and thus are too frequently betrayed into transactions at variance with the spirit, if not with the letter, of the law of just and honorable dealing; a right-minded woman may sometimes so place before her husband the affair in which he is engaged, as to make him see at once the error into which he might have fallen; and having seen this clearly, she may possibly enjoy the satisfaction of beholding him adopt, throughout his intercourse with others, a more strict and equitable rule of action. As this subject, however, in its highest and most serious import, belongs more properly to a subsequent chapter, we will consider more especially two particular defects in the moral character of men, which may be truly said, wherever they exist, to constitute the severest and most painful trials of married life. The first of these is intemperance; and here I am aware that my own views on this subject are scarcely such as ought to occupy a place in this work; not because I could not earnestly recommend them to the adoption of every English wife, but because, to do them ample justice, I should be compelled to fill a volume. Intemperance, then, to treat it as a common vice, should, like every other evil tendency, be watched in its commencement; and here the eye of a conscientious and devoted wife will be far better able to detect the mischief, than his, who, perhaps, in the secret of his heart, would rather not behold it even if he could. I believe there is no difficulty to a delicate-minded person, equal to that of warning a beloved friend or relative of his danger in this respect, else why do we see so many hundreds-nay, thousands looking on, and not stretching out a helping hand until it is too late? might have animated the wives of Sparta, if the absence of all sympathy and tenderness for the weak in their weak points, may rank among the characteristics of those heroines of the past-leaving it to such women to sit down every day to an indulgence, which in a mere trifle of extent beyond their own measure of gratification, they would deny to a husband-I must candidly confess, that I am wholly at a loss to know what to advise, should that husband, advancing a little and a little further by imperceptible degrees, at last exceed the bounds of strict propriety, and finally hasten on towards the "drunkard's grave." It is said again and again of such men, that they ought to stop in time; but which is the time? It may vary according to the state of their own health, as well as with the nature of the refreshment of which they partake; while with no two individuals will it ever be found exactly the same. Besides which, it must always be remembered, that the right time to stop, is the time when the intemperate man least wishes to do so; because in exact proportion to his danger, has been his inability to perceive it, and his increase of inclination to go onward towards excess. Tell me then, ye wise and potent reasoners on this subject, who hold yourselves above the vulgar error of believing that total abstinence is the only safe and efficient means of rescuing the tempted man from ruin,—tell me, or rather tell the afflicted wife, what I am utterly unequal to, by what means she is to conquer, or even to restrain, the habit of intemperance in her husband, except by inducing him altogether to abstain, and by abstaining altogether herself. The fact is, that if impressed in any common measure with a sense of justice or of generosity, we cannot do it, so long as we ourselves pursue the same course, only not exactly to the same extent. We cannot look into the face of a familiar friend, and say "If you take one glass more, you will be guilty of a vulgar and degrading sin; while I, by taking one glass less, commit no sin at all." And it must come to this, where it is the degree, and not the act itself, which con- One remark, however, may not be inapstitutes the evil. It must come to the small-propriate here, as it applies equally to the est possible measurement, to mark that min-point of view in which the subject has so long ute, and ever shifting line, which separates an act allowed and sanctioned by the wise and good, from one which stamps a human being with infamy in this world, and deprives him of all title to admission into the blessedness of the world to come. been held by the world in general, and to that in which it is the happier privilege of some in the present day to behold it. I mean that a husband should never be made the subject of reproach for transgressions of this nature. If he be a man of feeling, his spirit will be Leaving it then to women whose hearts sufficiently wounded by a sense of his own |