to answer two valuable ends; for at the same time that you have been deceived, it is more than probable that you have been deceiving. Not intentionally, perhaps, yet the effect may be as calamitous as if you had designedly practised upon the partial credulity of your lover. It is of the utmost importance, then, that you inquire into the nature of your own conduct, not only towards him, but towards others in his presence. Have you, during the season of courtship, been acting a part which you never before sustained, or which you do not intend to sustain as a wife? Have you been more amiable to your admirer, than you expect to be to your husband? If you have, there are two ways of remedying this evil, for an evil it certainly is; and one of these you are bound in common honesty to adopt: you must either defer your marriage until your real character has been brought to light, and clearly understood; or, you must determine, from this time forward, by the Divine blessing on your endeav- | ors, that you will be in reality the amiable being you have appeared. And now, having learned to see your lover as he is, I would ask again, whether you are quite sure that your affections are entirely and irrevocably his. If on this point there is doubt, there must be danger; but still there are tests to be applied, which may in some measure reduce those doubts to certainty. The most important question, in a case of doubt, is, whether your heart lingers after any other object; and this may be best ascertained by asking yourself still further, whether there is any other man in the world, of whom it would give you pain to hear that he was likely to be married. If there is not, you are in all probability safe in this respect, and yet you may not love the man you are about to marry, as he hopes, deserves, and believes himself to be loved. I would ask, then, are you weary of his presence, and relieved when he goes away? or are you disposed to exercise less charity and forbearance towards his faults, than towards the faults of others? for if his failings annoy and irritate you more than those of men in gen eral, depend upon it, you do not love him as you ought. If, too, you feel ashamed of him before marriage, there is little probability that you will afterwards evince towards him that respect and reverence which is right and seemly in a wife. In order to ascertain these points clearly, it is good for every woman before she marries, to see the man of her choice in the company of her friends, and especially to see him associated and compared with those whose opinion she esteems most highly. We are all more or less influenced by the secret sympathies of our common nature. In nothing can we think or feel alone; and few cases show more plainly the weakness and liability to delusion under which we labor, than the strong confidence we sometimes entertain in the correctness of our own judgment, until some new trial is made; and then immediately, as if by a kind of instinct, placing ourselves in the situation of others, we see as it were with their eyes, think with their thoughts, and arrive at their conclusions. This tendency of our nature is often discovered in the reading of books, which we have both enjoyed and admired alone; but no sooner do we read them in company with a critical friend, than we see at once their defects, and can even use against them the same powers of criticism ourselves. Happy is it for those whose judgment, thus influenced, is confined in its exercise to books!-happy for them if they never know what it is to find the talents and the recommendations of a lover disappear in a moment, on the approach of an interesting and influential friend, and disappear in such a way as never to be recalled again! Yet, having stood this test, it is still possible to doubt, and, without sufficient love, your engagement may still be only just dragged on, because you have no sufficient plea for breaking it off. You may perhaps esteem your lover highly; you may feel grateful for his kindness, and flattered by his admiration; you may also feel a strong desire to make him the happy man he believes he can be with you, and you alone-you may feel all this, and yet, I repeat, you may not love him as a woman ought to love her husband. This will be more clearly proved by an increase of sadness on your part, as the time of your marriage draws near, an indefinite apprehension that with you the pleasures of life are at an end, and a determination, requiring often to be renewed, that at least you will do your duty to one who deserves every thing from you. Let me, however, ask what this duty is? It is not merely to serve him; a hired menial could do that. The duty of a wife is what no woman ever yet was able to render without affection; and it is therefore the height of presumption to think that you can coldly fulfil a duty, the very spirit of which is that of love itself. It is possible, however, that you may still be mistaken. It is possible that the gradual opening of your eyes from the visions of girlish romance, which are apt to flit before the imaginative and inexperienced, may have given you a distaste both for your companion, and your future lot. If this be the case, the difficulty will be easily overcome by the exercise of a little good feeling and common sense. But in order to prove that this is really all, put this question to yourself—if you were quite sure there was some other woman as amiable, or more so, than you, with whom your friend could be equally happy, would you feel pleasure in his cultivating her acquaintance instead of yours? If you can answer this question in the negative, you may yet be safe; if not, the case is too decided to admit of a moment's hesitation. Your own integrity, and a sense of justice towards your friend, equally dictate the propriety of making him acquainted with the painful, the humiliating fact, that you do not love him; and no man, after being convinced of this, could desire the fulfilment of a mere nominal engagement. I am aware that the opinion of the world and the general voice of society are against such conduct, even where love is wanting; and I am equally aware, that no woman ought to venture upon breaking an engagement on such grounds, without feeling her self humbled to the very dust; but I am not the less convinced, that it is the only safe, the only just line of conduct which remains to her who finds herself thus circumstanced, and that it is in reality more generous to her lover, than if she kept "the word of promise to his ear, and broke it to his hope." But there may be other causes besides this, why an engagement should not be fulfilled. There may be a want of love on the part of your friend, or there may be instances of unfaithfulness too glaring to be overlooked; and here let it be observed, that woman's love may grow after marriage-man's, never. If, therefore, he is indifferent or unfaithful as a lover, what must be expected of him as a husband? It is one of the greatest misfortunes to which women are liable, that they cannot, consistently with female delicacy, cultivate, before an engagement is made, an acquaintance sufficiently intimate to lead to the discovery of certain facts which would at once decide the point, whether it was prudent to proceed further towards taking that step, which is universally acknowledged to be the most important in a woman's life. One of these facts, which can only be ascertained on a close acquaintance, is the tendency there is in some individuals to overawe, and keep others at a distance. Now, if on the near approach of marriage, a woman finds this tendency in the companion she has chosen, if she cannot open to him her whole heart, or if he does not open his heart to her, but maintains a distant kind of authoritative manner, which shuts her out from sympathy and equality with himself, it is time for her to pause, and think seriously before she binds herself for life to that worst of all slavery, the fear of a husband. I have no scruple in using this expression, because where the connection is so intimate, and the sphere of action necessarily so confined, if fear usurps the place of confidence and love, it must naturally engender a servile disposition to deceive, either by falsehood or evasion, wherever blame would attach to a full disclosure of the truth. I have already said that it is a prudent planty as to be kept from doing any very extenfor the woman who intends to marry, to try sive harm; but when a man, with the reins the merits of her lover, or rather her own es- of government in his hand, loses the power timate of them, by allowing him an opportu- to guide them, when his mind becomes the nity of associating with her friends. Such victim of morbid feeling, and his energies precautionary measures, however, are not sink under imaginary burdens, there is no easily carried out, except at some sacrifice of calculating the extent of calamity which may delicate and generous feeling; and, generally result to the woman who would be rash speaking, the less a woman allows her name enough to link her destiny with his. to be associated with that of her husband before marriage, the better. It is sometimes argued that an engagement entered into with right feelings, is of so binding and sacred a nature, that persons thus related to each other, may be seen together, both in public and private, almost as if they were really married; and to such it may appear a cold kind of caution still to say "beware!" Yet such is the uncertain nature of all human affairs, that we need not look far for instances of the most improbable changes taking place, after all possibility of change had been banished from our thoughts. Within a month, a week, nay, even a day, of marriage, there have been discoveries made which have fully justified an entire disunion of the parties thus associated; and then how much better has it been, where their names had not been previously united, and where their appearance together had not impressed the idea of indissoluble connection upon the minds of others! One of the most justifiable, and at the same time one of the most melancholy causes for such disunion, is the discovery of symptoms of insanity. Even a highly excited and disordered state of the nervous system, will operate with a prudent woman against an alliance of this nature. Yet here again, it is particularly unfortunate, that in cases of nervous derangement, the discovery is seldom fully made except in the progress of that close intimacy which immediately precedes marriage, and which consequently assumes the character of an indissoluble engagement. Symptoms of this nature, however, when exhibited in the conduct of a man, are of the most serious and alarming character. A woman laboring under such maladies, in their milder form, may be so influenced by authori Another justifiable reason for setting aside an engagement of marriage, or protracting the fulfilment of it, is a failure of health, especially when either this, or the kind of malady already noticed, induces an incapacity for business, and for the duties which generally devolve upon the master of a household. It is true, that in cases where the individual thus afflicted does not himself see the propriety of withdrawing from the engagement, the hard, and apparently selfish part a woman has to act on these occasions is such as, in addition to her own sufferings, will probably bring upon her the blame of many who do not, and who cannot, understand the case; and the more delicate her feelings are towards the friend she is thus compelled to treat with apparent harshness, the less likely she will be to exculpate herself by an exposure to the world of his inconsistency, or his weakness. Thus, as in many of the acts of woman's life, she has to be the sufferer every way; but still that suffering is less to every one concerned, than if she plunged herself into all the lamentable consequences of a union with a man who wanted either the mental or the physical capacity to keep her and hers from poverty and distress. In the former case, she will have the dictates of prudence and of conscience in her favor. In both, the world will be lavish of its blame; but in the latter only, could her portion be that of self-condemnation, added to irremediable misery. After all these considerations have been duly weighed, and every test of truth and constancy applied to your affection for the object of your choice, there may yet remain considerations of infinite moment as they relate to your own fitness for entering upon the married state. In the first place, what is it you are expecting? to be always flattered? Depend upon it, if your faults were never brought to light before, they will be so now. Are you expecting to be always indulged? Depend upon it, if your temper was never tried before, it will be so now. Are you expecting to be always admired? Depend upon it, if you were never humble and insignificant before, you will have to be so now. Yes, you had better make up your mind at once to be uninteresting as long as you live, to all except the companion of your home; and well will it be for you, if you can always be interesting to him. You had better settle it in your calculations, that you will have to be crossed oftener than the day; and the part of wisdom will dictate, that if you persist in your determination to be married, you shall not only be satisfied, but cheerful to have these things so. One important truth sufficiently impressed upon your mind will materially assist in this desirable consummation-it is the superiority of your husband, simply as a man. It is quite possible you may have more talent, with higher attainments, and you may also have been generally more admired; but this has nothing whatever to do with your position as a woman, which is, and must be, inferior to his as a man. For want of a satisfactory settlement of this point before marriage, how many disputes and misunderstandings have ensued, filling, as with the elements of discord and strife, that world of existence which ought to be a smiling Eden of perpetual flowers-not of flowers which never fade; but of flowers which, if they must die, neither droop nor wither from the canker in their own bosoms, or the worm which lies at their own roots. It is a favorite argument with untried youth, that all things will come right in the end, where there is a sufficiency of love; but is it enough for the subjection of a woman's will, that she should love her husband? Alas! observation and experience alike convince us, that love has been well represented as a wayward boy; and the alternate ex hibitions of contradiction and fondness which are dictated by affection alone, though interesting enough before the nuptial knot is tied, are certainly not those features in the aspect of his domestic affairs, whose combination a prudent man would most desire. It is to sound judgment then, and right principle, that we must look, with the blessing of the Bestower of these good gifts, for ability to make a husband happy-sound judgment to discern what is the place designed for him and for us, in the arrangements of an all-wise Providence-and right principle to bring down every selfish desire, and every rebellious thought, to a due subserviency in the general estimate we form of individual duty. But supposing this point satisfactorily settled, and an earnest and prayerful determination entered into to be but a secondary being in the great business of conducting the general affairs of social life, there are a few things yet to be thought of, a few duties yet to be discharged, before the final step can properly be taken. In the warmth and enthusiasm of youthful feeling, few women look much beyond themselves in the calculations they make upon their married future. To be loved, and cherished, is all they appear solicitous to stipulate for, forgetting the many wants and wishes that will necessarily arise out of the connection they are about to form. It may not be out of place then to remind them, how essential it is to comfort in the married state, that there should have been beforehand a clear understanding, and a strict agreement, with regard both to the general style of living, and the friendships and associations to be afterwards maintained. All secret wishes and intentions on these subjects, concealed by one party from the fear of their being displeasing to the other, are ominous of future disaster; and, indeed, I would almost venture so far as to advise, that unless such preliminaries can be satisfactorily adjusted, the parties had better make up their minds to separate; for these causes of difference will be of such frequent occurrence, as to leave little prospect of domestic peace. If, however, the companion of your future home should not be disposed to candor on these points, you will probably have opportunities of judging for yourself; and such means of forming your conclusions ought on no account to be neglected. You will probably, for instance, have opportunies of ascertaining whether he is one of those who place their chief happiness in what is called good living, or, in other words, in the pleasures of the table; and if in his estimation wine forms a prominent part of these enjoyments, let not the fear of the world's censure operate for one moment against your separating yourself from such a man. If this should seem a harsh and hasty conclusion, remember that the evils of a gross and selfindulgent habit are such as generally increase with the advance of years, and, as the natural spirits fail, and health becomes impaired, are liable to give rise to the most fatal maladies both of mind and body. If, then, there is danger and disgust to apprehend on the side of indulgence, it is on the other hand a hard and unthankful duty for the wife to be perpetually restraining the appetite of her husband, and preaching up the advantages of abstinence to the man she loves. Nor is it improbable, or of rare occurrence, that under such circumstances she should actually lose his affection, for men like not the constant imposition of restraint upon their wishes; and so much happier-so much more privileged is the situation of her who can safely minister to the desires of her husband, that I would recommend to every woman to choose the man who can with propriety be indulged, rather than him whose habits of selfgratification already require restraint. As the time of your marriage draws near, you will naturally be led with ease and pleasure into that kind of unlimited confidence with the companion of your future lot, which forms in reality the great charm of married life. But even here a caution is required, for though all the future, as connected with your own experience, must belong to him, all the past must belong to others. Never, therefore, make it the subject of your confi dential intercourse to relate the history of your former love affairs, if you have had any. It is bad taste to allude to them at all, but especially so under such circumstances; and although such details might serve to amuse for the moment, they would in all probability be remembered against you at some future time, when each day will be sufficiently darkened by its own passing clouds. With regard to all your other love affairs then, let "by-gones be by-gones." It could do no good whatever for you to remember them; and the more you are dissociated from every other being of his own sex, the more will the mind of your husband dwell upon you with unalloyed satisfaction. On the other hand, let no ill-advised curiosity induce you to pry too narrowly into his past life as regards affairs of this nature. However close your inquiries, they may still be baffled by evasion; and if it be an important point with you, as many women profess to make it, to occupy an unsullied page in the affections of your husband, it is wiser and safer to take for granted this flattering fact, than to ask whether any other name has been written on that page before. In this case, as well as your own, both honor and delicacy would suggest the propriety of drawing a veil over the past. It is sufficient for the happiness of married life that you share together the present and the future. With such a field for the interchange of mutual thought, there can surely be no want of interest in your conversation, for the arrangements to be made are so new to both, and consequently so fraught with importance, that parties thus circumstanced, are proverbially good company only to each other. Amongst these arrangements, if the choice of a residence be permitted you, and especially if your own temper is not good, or your manners not conciliating, avoid, as far as you can do so with prudence, and without thwarting your husband's wishes, any very close contact with his nearest relatives. There are not wanting numerous instances in which the greatest intimacy and most fa |