to her conscience a strict account of these responsibilities, will be no light undertaking to the English wife; and as we live, happily for us, in a country where channels are perpetually opened for our benevolence, and opportunities perpetually offered for our efforts to do good, we cannot, if we would, rest satisfied with the plea, that our disposition towards usefulness meets with no field for its development. • It so happens, however, that the same position in society which presents such facilities for the exercise of better feeling, presents also innumerable temptations to the gratification of female vanity, indolence, and selfindulgence, with all the evils which commonly follow in their train. The very title of this chapter-"Position in Society," where it conveys an idea of wealth and influence, never fails to conjure up a host of enemies to simple Christian duty, some of which are so deceptive and insidious, as effectually to escape detection, until their magnitude, as plants of evil growth, becomes a cause of just alarm. send out our work to be done by those who need the utmost amount of what we give them for doing it, let us not take advantage of this disposition of our affairs, to spend the time which remains upon our hands in idleness; but let us rather employ, in a higher sphere of usefulness, those faculties of mind, and those advantages of education, the free exercise of which constitutes one of the greatest privileges of an exalted station. And The same temptations which spread the snare of indolence around the feet of the unwary, are equally potent in their power to beguile into habits of self-indulgence. here the fancied or real delicacy of constitution which seems in the present day to be the birthright of Englishwomen, with all that spectral host of nervous maladies, which so often paralyze their energies, and render nugatory their efforts to do good-here, in this most privileged of all positions of human life, most frequently assail the female frame, so as often to reduce their pitiable victim to a mere nonentity as regards one great end of her existence-usefulness to her fellow-creatures. Far be it from me to speak with unkindness or want of sympathy of those maladies of mind and body, which, under the general head of nervous disorders, I believe to constitute some of the greatest miseries which "flesh is heir to." But having never found them to exist to any serious extent where constant occupation of head and hand, and The great facility with which the elegances and luxuries of life are now obtained, and the general competition which prevails throughout society with regard to dress, furniture, and style of living, present to a vain and unenlightened woman, an almost irresistible temptation to plunge into that vortex of extravagance, display, and worldly-mindedness, in which, I believe, a greater amount of good in-heathful bodily exercise, were kept up with tention has been lost, than by the direct assault of enemies apparently more powerful. Again, the indolence almost necessarily induced by the enjoyment to a great extent of the luxuries of life-how often is this foe to health and cheerfulness dressed up in the cloak of charity, and made to assume the character of kindness to the poor, in offering them employment. Not that I would be guilty of endeavoring to divert from so necessitous a channel the proper exercise of real charity; but at the same time that we advocate the cause of the poor, let us call things by their right names; and if we employ more servants than are necessary, or vigorous and unremitting effort; I feel the more anxious that English wives should not create for themselves, out of their habits of personal indulgence, so formidable an enemy to their own enjoyment, and to the beneficial influence which, as Christian women, they are capable of exercising to an almost incalculable extent. I feel anxious also, that some pictures, too frequently witnessed by us all, should never be realized in their experience-pictures in which a sickly, helpless, desponding wife, forms the centre of a group of neglected children, whose boisterous mirth she is little able to endure, and whose numerous wants, all unrestrained, remind her every moment, with fresh pain, of her inability to gratify them. That a woman thus situated, is, under existing circumstances, more to be pitied than blamed, we should be wanting in common feeling to deny; but in comparing her situation with that of a healthy, active, cheerfulspirited wife, prompt to answer every claim, and happy in the discharge of every duty; and when we see how such a woman, merely by the exercise of moral power, and often without the advantages of any extraordinary intellectual gifts, can become the living principle of activity, order, and cheerfulness in her own family, the adviser whom all consult, the comforter to whom all repair, and the support upon whom all depend, happy in herself, and diffusing happiness around her -oh how we long that those dispositions, and those habits, both of mind and body, should be cultivated in early youth, which would be most likely to ensure such blessed results as the experience of riper years! Much of this habitual cheerfulness, and this willing submission to the requirements of duty, is to be attained by the proper regulation of our aims with regard to common things; but especially by having chosen a right standard of excellence for every thing we do. For want of aiming at the right thing, the whole course of human life, which might be so richly diversified with enjoyment of various kinds, is often converted into a long, fruitless, and wearisome struggle, first to attain a happiness which is never found, and then to escape a misery which too surely pursues its mistaken victim. The married woman cannot, then, too frequently ask herself, "What is it which constitutes the object of my greatest earthly desire? and at what standard do I really aim?" Nor let us deceive ourselves either in asking or in answering these questions; for if it be essential to integrity that we should be sincere with others, it is no less so that we should be sincere with ourselves. If, then, we are weak enough to aim at being the centre of a brilliant circle, let us not pretend that we court notoriety for the purpose of extending our influence, and through that, our means of doing good. If we aim at surpassing our neighbors in the richness of of our furniture, the splendor of our entertainments, and the costliness of our dress, let us not deceive ourselves into the belief, that it is for the sake of encouraging the manufactures and the people of our own country. If we aim at taking the lead in affairs of moment, and occupying the first place among those with whom we associate, let us not do this under the plea of being forced into a conspicuous situation against our will, in compliance with the wish of others, and under the fear of giving them of fence. Let us, I repeat, be honest with ourselves, for this is our only chance of ever arriving at any satisfactory conclusion, or attaining any desirable end. And if we would ascertain with certainty what is the actual standard of excellence which in idea we set up for ourselves, for all persons, whether they know it or not, have such a standard, we have only to ascertain to what particular purpose our thoughts and actions most uniformly tend. If the most brilliant and striking characters are those which we consider most enviable, we may easily detect in ourselves a prevailing endeavor, in what we say or do, to produce an impression, and consequently to render ourselves conspicuous, than which, nothing can be more out of keeping with the right position of a married woman, nor more likely to render her, at the summit of her wishes, a mark for envy, and all uncharitableness. But a far more frequent, and more extensively prevailing standard of excellence, is that which consists in giving the best dinners, exhibiting the most costly furniture, being dressed in the newest fashion, and making every entertainment go off in the most successful manner. How many heads and hearts are made to ache by this ambition, it must be left for the private history of every family to record. What sleepless nights, what days of toil, what torturing anxieties, what envyings, what disputes, what back bitings, and what bitter disappointments arise out of this very cause, must be left for the same record to disclose. And if in the opposite scale we would weigh the happiness enjoyed, the good imparted, or the evil over. come by the operation of the same agency, we behold a blank; for let the measure of success be what it may, there is no extreme of excellence to which this ambition leads, but it may be exceeded by a neighbor, or perhaps a friend; and where wealth can purchase all that we aspire to, we must ever be liable to the mortifying chance of being compelled to yield precedence to the ignorant and the vulgar-minded. Nothing, in fact, can be more vulgar, or more in accordance with the lowest grade of feeling, than an ambition of this kind. Not only is it low in its own nature, but low in all the calculations it requires, in all the faculties it calls into exercise, and in all the associations it draws along with it. Yet, who shall dethrone this monster from its place in the hearts of English wives, where it gives the law to private conduct, levies a tax upon industry, monopolizes pecuniary profit, makes itself the arbiter in cases of difficulty or doubt, rules the destiny of families, and finally gives the tone to public feeling, and consequently the bias to national character? I ask again, who shall dethrone this monster? Perhaps there would be little weight attached to my assertion, if I were to say that it is within the sphere of woman's influence to do this; that it rests with the wives of England to choose whether they will go on to estimate their position in society by the cost of their furniture, and the brilliance of their entertainments; or, by the moral and intellectual character of their social intercourse, by the high principle which regulates their actions, and by the domestic happiness to be found within their homes. So long as we esteem those we meet with in society according to the fashion of their dress, the richness of their ornaments, or the style in which they live, it is a mockery of words to say that our standard of excellence does not consist in that which money can purchase, or a vain and vulgar ambition attain. And so long as we feel cast down, disappointed, and distressed at being outshone in these outward embellishments, it is a certain proof that we are not attaching supreme importance to such as adorn the mind. I am fully aware, in writing on this subject, that I am but lifting a feeble voice agamst the giant-force of popular feeling; that the state of our country, presenting an almost universal tendency towards an excess of civilization, added to the improvement in our manufactures, and the facility with which every kind of luxury is now obtained, are causes perpetually operating upon the great mass of the people, so as to urge them on to a state of eager competition in the display of all which money can procure; and that this competition is highly applauded by many, as beneficial to the nation at large, and especially so when that nation is considered merely as a mass of instrumentality, operating upon what is purely material. But I am aware also, that this very cause, operating so widely and so powerfully as it does, ought to furnish the impetus of a new movement in society, by which the intellec tual and the spiritual shall, by a fresh effort, be roused to its proper elevation above the material; and this necessary and truly noble effort, I must again repeat, it is in the power of the wives of England to make. Nor would this great movement in reality be so difficult to effect, as we might be led to suppose from looking only at the surface of society, and observing the multiplicity of instances in which a false standard of excellence is established. We are sometimes too much influenced in our opinions, as well as too much discouraged in our endeavors to do good, by a superficial observation of the general state of things in social life; for there is often an under-current of feeling towards what is just and good, at work in the minds of those who, from being deficient in the moral power to act upon their own convictions, fall in with the superficial tide, and go along with the stream, against their better judgment, if not against their real inclinations. Thus, in a more close and intimate acquaintance with the world, we find, to our frequent satisfaction, that a combination of intellectual superiority and moral worth, is not in reality so lightly esteemed as at first we had supposed; that the weak and the vain, who spend their lives in striving after that which truly profiteth not, are dissatisfied and weary with their own fruitless efforts, and that others a little more gifted with understanding, and enlightened by juster views, though engaged in the same unprofitable struggle, would be more than glad of any thing that would assist them to escape from their grovelling anxieties, and low entanglements, so as in an open and decided manner to declare themselves on the side of what is intrinsically good, and consequently worthy of their utmost endeavors to attain. Thus we find too, in spite of popular prejudice against a simple dress, or a homely way of living, that respectability, and genuine worth of character, are able not only to give dignity to any position in society, but also to command universal respect from others; and that, while few are bold enough to imitate, there is no small proportion of the community who secretly wish they were like those noble-minded individuals, who dare to aim at a true standard of excellence in the formation of their own habits, and the general conduct of their families. Shall we then go on in the same way, forcing ourselves to be contemptible, and despising the bondage to which we submit? It is true, the effort necessary to be made, which the state of the times, and the satisfaction of our consciences, alike require of us, is hard for any single individual. But let us stand by each other in this great and noble cause. Let the strong endeavor to encourage and sustain the weak; and let us prove, for the benefit of succeeding generations, how much may be done for the happiness of our homes, and the good of our country, by being satis fied with the position in which Providence has placed us, and by endeavoring to adorn that position with the lasting embellishments which belong to an enlightened understanding, a well-regulated mind, and a benevolent, sincere, and faithful heart. Our standard of excellence will then be no longer found in the most splendid jewelry, or the costliest plate; for in all these the vulgar and the ignorant may easily attain pre-eminence; but in the warmest welcome, the kindest service, the best-regulated household, the strictest judgment of ourselves, the most beneficial influence, the highest hopes for futurity, and the largest amount of domestic and social happiness which it is ever permitted to the families of earth to enjoy. It is needless to say that all these embellishments to life may be ensured without regard to position in society; and if such were made the universal standard of excellence among the wives of England, much, if not all, the suffering which prevails wherever happiness is made to consist in what money can procure, would cease to be found within our homes; while, rising thus above our circumstances, we should no longer be subject in our hopes and fears to the fluctuations of commerce, or the uncertainty of a position depending solely upon its pecuniary advantages. We should then feel to be resting on a sure foundation, just in proportion as our standard was faithfully upheld. I do not say that we should be free from troubles, for such are the lot of all; but that single wide-spreading source of anxiety, which from its vastness appears in the present day to swallow up all others-the anxiety to attain a position higher than our own proper sphere, would then vanish from our land; and with it such a host of grievances, that in contemplating so blessed a change in our domestic and social condition, I cannot but again entreat the wives of England to think of these things, and finally to unite together in one firm determination to establish a new and a better standard by which to estimate their position in society. CHAPTER IX. DOMESTIC MANAGEMENT. CLOSELY connected with the subject already dwelt upon, is that of domestic management; since whatever standard we choose, and whatever principles we adopt as our rule of action, will develop themselves in the system we pursue with regard to the conduct of our domestic affairs. If, therefore, to appear well with the world according to the popular standard, be our supreme desire, the tendency of our domestic regulations will be to make, before our friends and associates, the greatest possible display of what is costly and elegant in our furniture and style of living; while, on the other hand, if our aim be to ensure the greatest amount of happiness to ourselves, and to those around us, we shall have a widely different task to pursue; and it is to the latter purpose only that I propose devoting this chapter, as the former could be better effected by consulting the upholsterer, the silversmith, or the jeweller. Leaving to individuals thus qualified the important office of deciding what is according to the latest fashion, and which article is most approved in circles of distinction, we must turn our attention to a study of a totally different description; and if at first it should appear more difficult and complicated, it will have the merit of becoming every day more simple, and more clear; or if it should seem to involve by necessity a certain degree of suffering and self-denial, it will have the still higher merit of resulting in ultimate happiness; while the system of domestic management above alluded to, though in the outset full of promises of indulgence and pleasure, is certain to involve in greater and deeper perplexity the longer it is pursued, and finally to issue in vexation and disappointment. It is, then, the way to make others happy, and consequently to be happy ourselves, which I am about to recommend; and if in doing this I am compelled to enter into the minute and homely details of woman's daily life, I must claim the forbearance of the reader on the plea that no act can be so trifling as not to be ennobled by a great or a gen erous motive. Before proceeding further with this subject, I must address one word to the ladies of the present day-to the refined and fastidious, who dwell in an atmosphere of taste, and make that their standard of excellence-lest from the freedom of my remarks upon dress and furniture, I should fall under their condemnation for undervaluing what is elegant, and wishing to discard what is ornamental; or, in other words, of being indifferent to the influence of beauty in general, as it may justly be said to refine our feelings, and enhance our enjoyments. Without presuming to refer such readers to a work of my own,* in which they would find that my admiration of the beautiful, wherever it may be found, is scarcely inferior to theirs; I will simply express my conviction, that the exercise of good taste, which must ever be in accordance with the principles of beauty, fitness, and harmony, is by uʊ means confined to the display of what is costly, elaborate, or superb; but may at all times be sufficiently developed in the arrangement of what is simple and appropriate. Indeed, there are nicer distinctions, and more exquisite sensibilities, required in the happy distribution of limited means, than in the choice and arrangement of the most costly ornaments which money can procure. In accordance with this fact, we almost invariably find writers of fiction bestowing what is gorgeous and elaborate upon scenes and characters with which the best feelings of the heart have little connection; while the favorite heroine is universally made conspicuous in her simplicity, and at the same time pre-eminent in her good taste. But in addition to other considerations, it is in the present day so easy as to be common, and consequently to some extent vulgar, for all persons, both high and low, to adorn themselves and their houses to the * The Poetry of Life. |