1798. Diary and Correspondence continued. January 5. In the beginning of this year, as usual, I renewed my engagement to be the Lord's, and only for him, with all I have, and am, or ever shall have. Lord, ratify the deed, and accept the poor gift of a poor worm, because offered upon that altar that sanctifies the gift. The day following, when at a throne of grace, and when beginning to ask the life of one of his ministers, Jehovah poured a spirit of prayer upon me; gave me a sensible manifestation of his love, and increase of fellowship; with much liberty to pray for the spiritual prosperity of his servant, but little freedom to ask for his life. I seemed to meet his spirit at a throne of grace, as full of joyous sensations before his God; and gratitude to me, for the interest taken in his welfare. I have hardly once bowed a knee in prayer since, without a repetition of this; nor ever lifted up my heart to the Lord, whether alone or with others, but instantly my friend joined me in spirit; when even his countenance appeared to the eye of my mind, as full of heavenly joy. This being rather a new thing to me, I feel unable to decide upon it, and what to think of it I know not; therefore, only simply state the matter of fact. It is possible, in the course of providence, I may hear of something that will prove explanatory. I praise my God, who so blessed my own soul in my attempts to help a precious fellow-creature; and still helps me to hold fast the blessing. This requires no explanation being no unusual thing. O for gratitude. February 2, Friday. Surely my God hath heard, pitied, and helped me, since last Friday. The latter part of that day, the Lord was good, and when tried unexpectedly, appeared in my behalf. He took hold, as it were, of my heart, and prevented any painful feeling; and filled me with a strong hope that he would undertake my cause, in one way or another; so that I remained unmoved, though appearances were much against attaining the object I had in view. But if the Lord says, "Fear not," "faith laughs at impossibilities, and cries, it shall be done." Though not as yet done, still my trust is in Him, who never fails to fulfil the hopes himself hath given. The following day, also, especially in the evening, the Lord felt graciously near, and my hope strong. On the Monday, likewise, I had reason to praise him; when reading of the Lord Jesus, he suddenly drew nigh, wonderfully clear to the eye of faith; and very soon after, in secret prayer, gave me a delightful view of the Sacred Trinity, of the personality of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost; of their equality, in power and glory, and sameness of substance. On Thursday, in secret prayer, he gave me sweet access to a throne of grace. I have since been tried with the distress and danger of one nearly allied by the ties of nature; for whom much prayer has ascended for his life, but more especially for the life of his soul. Hear, Lord, and answer the many petitions offered up for our poor guilty country; and, if possible, spare us yet. I bless the Lord for the privilege of secret prayer. What a source of comfort and profit to one's own soul, and that of others. Here we are permitted to pour out our souls, when grief assails, when danger is nigh, or apprehended to be so; when difficulties increase, and close and variegated trials press the spirits down; and in all these cases, find help, less or more, sooner or later, as our compassionate God and Saviour sees best. March 23, Friday. Since last date, I have had some sweet and profitable times. On Monday evening, at the prayer-meeting, the Lord was present to bless and do us good. Through mercy, I obtained an answer, in a measure, to a petition frequently put up of late respecting that meeting: 0 that it may be fully answered. A fresh flame of strong desire seemed kindled in my soul, for the full possession of the fullest salvation of God. O how I longed to plunge into the Godhead's deepest sea of holy, pure, perfect love. I felt all on fire to be lost in the immensity of Deity. Since then, have been much drawn out in secret prayer to plead for it; and have been favoured with such enlarged desires, such expanded glorious views of it, as brought a present heaven into my soul. The language of my heart was, and is, "Sink me to perfection's height, This, not as a glorious acquisition to aggrandize, and bring much respect and admiration to self from surrounding creatures, or self-approbation; but, as the accomplishment of the gospel promises, to help me more to glorify God. These are scattered richly through the New Testament; such as 1st Corinthians, xiiith chapter, from the 4th verse to the end; also, chapter iiid of the Ephesians, from the 6th verse to the end; also, chapter vth of the 2d Thessalonians, from the 16th verse to the 24th inclusive. Though most of these are rather in the language of prayer and exhortation, than promises; yet it alters not the case, as we are morally certain, the apostle would neither have exhorted those to whom he wrote, to do these things; nor have prayed for them himself, if they were not to be obtained. Nay, he expressly says, at the 24th verse of the last reference: "Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it." What will he do? He will sanctify wholly; he will fill with that perfect love that casteth out all fear. And all this will sink the creature to the dust, feeling, as well as seeing, we are nothing, and that Christ is all in all. None prize a Saviour as do these humble souls; they feel they can do nothing without him, "Weaker than a bruised reed, Help they every moment need," They are taught to live every moment by faith upon him; not as an abstracted speculative principle, but by a faith that brings deep peace and present power. O my God, let me, for thy Name's sake, enjoy much of this full salvation, that stands so closely connected with poverty of spirit; with humble love, that gives the glory of all to Thee. After this long digression, I go on to say:On Tuesday morning, I had a delightful time in secret, from the views given me of the great things Christ has purchased for his people; and freely bestows on those, who, Abraham-like, stagger not at the promises through unbelief; but become strong in faith, and thus receive their accomplishment. I prove the great utility of living by simple faith, even in my small measure. It brings the soul to a throne of grace, as a child to an indulgent parent not with a price in hand, but pleading only its own necessities and to insure a supply, the merits of Jesus; who, by his meritorious sufferings, has purchased every blessing his people can want; well aware, that this alone can turn the scale in its favour. Lord, increase my faith, that I may glorify thee, by receiving all thou waitest to give. On Thursday, the Lord was present to teach and comfort us, when met for the purpose of praise, |