A Canon! that's a Place too mean:
No, Doctor, you fhall be a Dean."
Two Dozen Canons round your Stall,
And you the Tyrant o'er them all.
You need but crofs the Irish Seas,

To live in Plenty, Power, and Eafe.
Poor St departed, and what is worle,
With borrow'd Money in his Purse,
Travel's at least an Hundred Leagues,
And fuffers numberlefs Fateigues.
Suppofe him now a Dean compleat.
Devoutly lolling in his Seat;

And Silver Verge, with Decent Pride
Stuck underneath his Cufhion fide.
Suppofe him gone thro' all Vexations,
Patents, Inftallments, Abjurations;

First Fruits, and Tenths, and Chapter-Treats,
Dues, Payments, Fees, Demands, and Cheats.
The wicked Laity's contriving

To hinder Clergy-Men from thriving.
Now all the Doctor's Money's fpent,
His Tenants wrong him in his Rent:
The Farmers fpitefully combine,
Force him to take his Tythes in Kind:
And Parvifol discounts Arrears,
By Bills for Taxes and Repairs.
Poor St with all his Loffes vext,
Not knowing where to turn him next.
Above a Thoufand Pounds in Debt,
Takes Horfe, and in a mighty Fret,
Rides Day and Night at fuch a Rate,
He foon arrives at Harley's Gate:

*The Drs. Procter.

He

1

But was fo Dirty, Pale and Thin,
Old Read would hardly let him in.
Said Harley, welcome Reverend Dean,
What makes your Worship look fo Lean?
Why fure you won't appear in Town,
In that old Wig and Rufty Gown,
I doubt your Heart is fet on Pelf,
So much that you neglect your felf.
What I fuppofe now Stocks are High,
You've fome Good Purchase in your Eye;
Or is your Money out at Ufe,

Truce good my Lord, I beg a Truce.
The Doctor in a Paffion Cry'd,
Your Railery is mifappli'd:

I have Experience dearly bought;
You know I am not worth a Groat.
But you'r refolv'd to have your Jeft,
And 'twas a Folly to canteft.

Then fince you now have done your Worft,
Pray leave me where you found me first.

* The Porter.

FINI S.

A

LETTER

FROM A

LAY-PATRON to a GENTLEMAN, defigning for HOLY ORDERS.

Quid igitur profuit vidiffe te Veritatem, quam nec deferfurus effes nec fecuturus. Lactant.

SIR,

A

LTHOUGH it was against my Knowledge or Advice, that you entred into Holy Orders, under the prefent Difpofitions of Mankind towards the Church, yet fince it is now fuppofed too late to recede (at leaft according to the general Practice and Opinion) I cannot forbear offering my Thoughte to you upon this New Condition of Life you are engaged in.

I could heartily wifh, that the Circumstances of your Fortune had enabled you to have continued fome Years longer in the Univerfity; at leaft, 'till you were ten Years standing, to have laid in a competent Stock of human Learning, and fome Knowledge in Divinity before

you

der

you attempted to appear in the World. For I cannot but lament the common Courfe, which at least Nine in Ten of thofe, who enter into the Ministry, are obliged to run. When they have taken a Degree, and are confequer.tly grown a Burther to their Friends who now rtrink themfelves fully difcharged, they get into Oras foon as they can; (upon which I fhall make no Remarks J first folierte a Readear hip, and if they be very fortunate, arrive in time to a Curacy here in Town, or elfe are fent to be Affiftants in the Country, where they probably continue feveral Years (many of them their whole Lives) with Thirty or Forty Pounds a Year for their Support, 'till fome Bifhop, who happens not to be overftock'd with Relations, or attached to Favourites, or is content to Supply his Diocefs without Colonies from England, beftows them fome inconfiderable Benefice, when 'tis odds they are already incumbred with a numerous Family. I would be glad to know what Intervals of Life f Perfons can poffibly fet apart for Improvement of their Minds or which way they could be furnifh'd with Books, the Library they brought with them from their College, being ufually not the moft numerous, or judiciously chofen. If fuch Gentlemen arrive to be great Scholars, it muft, I think, be er ther by Means fupernatural, or by a Method altogether out of any Road yet known to the Learned. But I conceive the Fact directly otherwife, and that many of them lofe the great est part of the fmall Pittance they received at the Univerfity

I take it for granted, that you intend to parfue the beaten Track, and are already defirous

to

0

to be feen in a Pulpit, only I hope, you wil! think it proper to pafs your Quarentine among fome of the defolate Churches five Miles round this Town, where you may at least learn to Read and to Speak, before you venture to expofe your Parts in a City-Congregation; not that thefe are better Judges, but becaufe, if a Man muft needs expofe his Folly, it is more fafe and difcreet to do fo, before few Witneffes and in a feat tered Neighbourhood. And you will do well if you can prevail upon fome intimate and judicious Friend to be your conftant Hearer, and allow him with the utmoft Freedom to give you No tice of whatever he fhall find amifs either in your Voice or Gefture; for want of which early Warning, many Clergy-men continue defective, and fometimes ridiculous to the end of their Lives; neither is it rare to observe among ex cellent and learned Divines, a certain ungrati ous Manner, or an unhappy Tone of Voice, which they never have been able to fake off.

I could likewife have been glad, if you had applied your felf a little more to the Study of the Engli Language, than I fear you have done; the Neglect whereof is one of the most general Defects among the Scholars of this King dom, who feem to have not the leaft Concep tion of a Style, but run on in a flat kind of Phrafeology, often mingled with barbarous Terms and Expreffions, peculiar to the Nation: Neither do I perceive that any Perfon, either finds or acknowledges his Wants upon this Head, or in the leat defires to have them fupplyed. Proper Words in proper Places make the true Definition of a Style. But this would require