The knight, being clapped by th' heels in prison,
The last unhappy expedition,
Love brings his action on the case,
And lays it upon Hudibras.
How he receives the lady's visii,
And cunningly solicits his suit,
Which she defers; yet on parole,
Redeems him from th' enchanted hole.
BUT now, t' observe romantique method,
Let rusty steel a while be sheathed;
And all those harsh and rugged sounds
Of bastinados, cuts, and wounds,
5 Exchanged to love's more gentle style,
To let our reader breathe a while :
In which, that we may be as brief as
Is possible, by way of preface.
Is 't not enough to make one strange, 10 That some men's fancies should ne'er change, But make all people do and say
The same things still the self-same way
Some writers make all ladies purloined,
And knights pursuing like a whirlwind.
Others make all their knights, in fits
Of jealousy, to lose their wits;
Till drawing blood o' th' dames, like witches,
They 're forthwith cured of their capriches.
Some always thrive in their amours,
By pulling plaisters off their sores;
As cripples do to get an alms,
Just so do they, and win their dames.
Some force whole regions, in despite
O' geography, to change their site;
Make former times shake hands with latter,
And that which was before, come after;
But those that write in rhyme still make
The one verse for the other's sake;
For one for sense, and one for rhyme,
I think's sufficient at one time.
But we forget in what sad plight
We lately left the captived knight
And pensive squire, both bruised in body,
And conjured into safe custody.
Tired with dispute, and speaking Latin,
As well as basting and bear-baiting,
And desperate of any course,
To free himself by wit or force,
His only solace was, that now
His dog-bolt fortune was so low,
That either it must quickly end,
Or turn about again, and mend;
In which he found th' event, no less
Than other times, beside his guess.
There is a tall long-sided dame,
But wondrous light, ycleped Fame,
That like a thin chameleon boards
Herself on air, and eats her words;
Upon her shoulders wings she wears
50 Like hanging sleeves, lined through with ears, And and tongues, as poets list, Made good by deep mythologist:
With these she through the welkin flies,
And sometimes carries truth, oft lies;
55 With letters hung, like eastern pigeons,
And Mercuries of furthest regions;
Diurnals writ for regulation
Of lying, to inform the nation,
And by their public use to bring down 60 The rate of whetstones in the kingdom; About her neck a pacquet-mail,
Fraught with advice, some fresh, some stale, Of men that walked when they were dead, And cows of monsters brought to bed: 65 Of hailstones big as pullets' eggs, And puppies whelped with twice two legs; A blazing-star seen in the west,
By six or seven men at least.
Two trumpets she does sound at once,
But both of clean contràry tones;
And therefore vulgar authors name
Th' one Good, th' other Evil Fame.
This tattling gossip knew too well,
What mischief Hudibras befel;
And straight the spiteful tidings bears
80 Of all, to th' unkind widow's ears.
Democritus ne'er laughed so loud,
To see bawds carted through the crowd,
Or funerals with stately pomp,
March slowly on in solemn dump,
85 As she laughed out, until her back,
As well as sides, was like to crack.
She vowed she would go see the fight,
And visit the distressed knight,
To do the office of a neighbour,
90 And be a gossip at his labour;
And from his wooden jail, the stocks,
To set at large his fetter-locks,
And by exchange, parole, or ransom,
To free him from th' enchanted mansion.
95 This being resolved, she called for hood
And usher, implements abroad
Which ladies wear, beside a slender
Young waiting damsel to attend her.
All which appearing, on she went
100 To find the knight, in limbo pent.
And 'twas not long before she found
Him, and his stout squire, in the pound;
Both coupled in enchanted tether,
By further leg behind together:
For as he sat upon his rump,
His head, like one in doleful dump,
Between his knees, his hands applied
Unto his ears on either side,
And by him, in another hole,
110 Afflicted Ralpho, cheek by jowl,
She came upon him in his wooden
Magician's circle, on the sudden,
As spirits do t'a conjurer,
When in their dreadful shapes th' appear.
No sooner did the knight perceive her,
But straight he fell into a fever,
Inflamed all over with disgrace,
To be seen by her in such a place;
Which made him hang his head, and scowl,
120 And wink, and goggle like an owl;
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