As one cut out to pass your tricks on,
With fulhams of poetic fiction :
I rather hoped I should no more
Hear from you o' th' gallanting score:
645 For hard dry-bastings used to prove
The readiest remedies of love,
Next a dry diet; but if those fail,
Yet this uneasy loop-holed jail,
In which ye're hampered by the fetlock,
650 Cannot but put y' in mind of wedlock;
Wedlock, that's worse than any hole here,
If that may serve you for a cooler
T' allay your mettle, all agog
Upon a wife, the heavier clog.
655 Nor rather thank your gentler fate,
That, for a bruised or broken pate,
Has freed you from those knobs that grow
Much harder on the married brow:
But if no dread can cool your courage,
660 From venturing on that dragon, marriage ;
Yet give me quarter, and advance
To nobler aims your puissance;
Level at beauty and at wit;
The fairest mark is easiest hit.'
Quoth Hudibras, I am beforehand
In that already, with your command;
For where does beauty and high wit
But in your constellation, meet?'
Quoth she, 'What does a match imply,
670 But likeness and equality?
I know you cannot think me fit
To be th' yoke-fellow of your wit;
Nor take one of so mean deserts,
To be the partner of your parts:
75 A grace which, if I could believe,
I've not the conscience to receive.'
'That conscience,' quoth Hudibras,
'Is misinformed; I'll state the case.
A man may be a legal donor
680 Of any thing whereof he's owner,
And may confer it where he lists,
I' th' judgment of all casuists:
Then wit, and parts, and valour may
Be alienated, and made away,
685 By those that are proprietors,
As I may give or sell my horse.'
Quoth she, 'I grant the case is true,
And proper 'twixt
horse and you ;
your
But whether I may take, as well
690 As you may give away, or sell?
Buyers, you know, are bid beware;
And worse than thieves receivers are.
How shall I answer hue and cry,
For a roan-gelding, twelve hands high,
695 All spurred and switched, a lock on's hoof,
A sorrel mane? Can I bring proof
Where, when, by whom, and what y' were sold for,
And in the open market tolled for?
Or, should I take you for a stray,
700 You must be kept a year and day,
Ere I can own you, here i' th' pound,
Where, if ye 're sought, you may be found;
And in the mean time I must pay
For all your provender and hay.'
Quoth he, 'It stands me much upon
T'enervate this objection,
And prove myself, by topic clear,
No gelding, as you would infer.
Look on this beard, and tell me whether
Eunuchs wear such, or geldings either?
Next it appears, I am no horse,
That I can argue and discourse,
Have but two legs, and ne'er a tail.'
Quoth she, 'That nothing will avail;
725 For some philosophers of late here,
Write men have four legs by nature,
And that 'tis custom makes them go
Erroneously upon but two;
As 'twas in Germany made good,
B' a boy that lost himself in a wood;
And growing down t' a man, was wont
With wolves upon all fours to hunt.
As for your reasons drawn from tails,
We cannot say they're true or false,
735 Till you explain yourself, and show
B' experiment 'tis so or no.'
Quoth he, "If you'll join issue on 't,
I'll give you sat'sfact'ry account;
So you will promise, if you lose,
To settle all, and be my spouse.'
'That never shall be done,' quoth she,
To one that wants a tail, by me;
For tails by nature sure were meant,
As well as beards, for ornament ;
745 And, though the vulgar count them homely,
In men or beast they are so comely,
So gentee, alamode, and handsome,
I'll never marry man that wants one;
And till you can demonstrate plain,
You have one equal to your mane,
I'll be torn piece-meal by a horse,
Ere I'll take you for better or worse.
The Prince of Cambay's daily food
Is asp, and basilisk, and toad,
Which makes him have so strong a breath,
Each night he stinks a queen to death;
Yet I shall rather lie in 's arms
Than yours, on any other terms.'
Quoth he, 'What nature can afford
760 I shall produce, upon my word;
And if she ever gave that boon
To man, I'll prove that I have one:
I mean by postulate illation,
When you shall offer just occasion;
765 But since ye 'ave yet denied to give
My heart, your prisoner, a reprieve,
But made it sink down to my heel,
Let that at least your pity feel 1;
And for the sufferings of your martyr,
770 Give its poor entertainer quarter ;
And by discharge, or mainprize, grant
Delivery from this base restraint.'
Quoth she, I grieve to see your leg
Stuck in a hole here like a peg,
775 And if I knew which way to do 't,
Your honour safe, I'd let you out.
That dames by jail-delivery
Of errant knights have been set free,
When by enchantment they have been,
And sometimes for it, too, laid in,
Is that which knights are bound to do
By order, oaths, and honour too;
For what are they renowned and famous else,
But aiding of distressed damosels?
785 But for a lady, no ways errant,
To free a knight, we have no warrant
In any authentical romance,
Or classic author yet of France;
And I'd be loth to have you break
An ancient custom for a freak,
Or innovation introduce
In place of things of antique use,
To free your heels by any course
That might b' unwholesome to your spurs:
Which if I should consent unto,
It is not in my power to do;
For 'tis a service must be done ye
With solemn previous ceremony;
Which always has been used t' untie
800 The charms of those who here do lie:
For as the ancients heretofore
To honour's temple had no door,
But that which thorough virtue's lay,
So from this dungeon there's no way
805 To honoured freedom, but by passing
That other virtuous school of lashing,
Where knights are kept in narrow lists,
With wooden lockets 'bout their wrists;
In which they for a while are tenants,
810 And for their ladies suffer penance:
Whipping, that's virtue's governess,
Tutress of arts and sciences;
That mends the gross mistakes of nature, And puts new life into dull matter; That lays foundation for renown, And all the honours of the gown. This suffered, they are set at large, And freed with honourable discharge; Then, in their robes, the penitentials, 820 Are straight presented with credentials,
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