TO THE HONOURABLE

HOUSE OF COMMONS, &c.

The Humble Petition of the Footmen in and about the City of Dublin.

NOTE.

SWIFT may have written the following mock petition by way of satire against the many absurd petitions which were presented at the time to the Irish House of Commons, and of which two examples were quoted in the note to a previous tract. If coal-porters and hackney-coachmen might address the Honourable House, why not footmen?

The present text is based on that found at the end of Swift's "Serious and Useful Scheme to make an Hospital for Incurables," issued by George Faulkner in 1733. Faulkner reprinted this volume in 1734.

[T. S.]

TO THE HONOURABLE

HOUSE OF COMMONS, &c.

The Humble Petition of the Footmen in and about the City of Dublin.

Humbly Sheweth,

TH

HAT your Petitioners are a great and numerous society, endowed with several privileges, time out of mind.

That certain lewd, idle, and disorderly persons, for several months past, as it is notoriously known, have been daily seen in the public walks of this City, habited sometimes in green coats, and sometimes in laced, with long oaken cudgels in their hands, and without swords, in hopes to procure favour, by that advantage, with a great number of ladies who frequent those walks, pretending and giving themselves out to be true genuine Irish footmen. Whereas they can be proved to be no better than common toupees,' as a judicious eye may soon discover by their awkward, clumsy, ungenteel gait and behaviour, by their unskilfulness in dress, even with the advantage of wearing our habits, by their ill-favoured countenances, with an air of impudence and dulness peculiar to the rest of their brethren; who have not yet arrived at that transcendent pitch of assurance. Although, it may be justly apprehended, that they will do so in time, if these counterfeits shall happen to succeed in their evil design, of passing for real footmen, thereby to render themselves more amiable to the ladies.

Your petitioners do further allege, that many of the said counterfeits, upon a strict examination, have been found in the very act of strutting, swearing, staring, swaggering, in a 1 See note on page 269. [T. S.]

manner that plainly shewed their best endeavours to imitate us. Wherein, although they did not succeed, yet by their ignorant and ungainly way of copying our graces, the utmost indignity was endeavoured to be cast upon our whole profession.

Your Petitioners do therefore make it their humble request, that this Honourable House, (to many of whom your Petitioners are nearly allied) will please to take this grievance into your most serious consideration: Humbly submitting, whether it would not be proper, that certain officers might, at the public charge, be employed to search for, and discover all such counterfeit footmen, and carry them before the next Justice of Peace; by whose warrant, upon the first conviction, they should be stripped of their coats, and oaken ornaments, and be set two hours in the stocks. Upon the second conviction, besides stripping, be set six hours in the stocks, with a paper pinned on their breast signifying their crime, in large capital letters, and in the following words. "A. B. commonly called A. B. Esq; a toupee, and a notorious impostor, who presumed to personate a true Irish footman."

And for any further offence the said toupee shall be committed to Bridewell, whipped three times, forced to hard labour for a month, and not be set at liberty, till he shall have given sufficient security for his good behaviour.

Your Honours will please to observe with what lenity we propose to treat these enormous offenders, who have already brought such a scandal on our honourable calling, that several well-meaning people have mistaken them to be of our Fraternity; in diminution to that credit and dignity wherewith we have supported our station, as we always did, in the worst of times.' And we further beg leave to remark, that this was manifestly done with a seditious design, to render us less capable of serving the public in any great employments, as several of our Fraternity, as well as our ancestors have done.

We do therefore humbly implore your Honours, to give necessary orders for our relief, in this present exigency, and your Petitioners (as in duty bound) shall ever pray, &c.

Dublin, 1733.

1 See note on page 271. [T. S.]