NUMB. 109. TUESDAY, April 2, 1751. Gratum eft, quod patriæ civem populoque dedifti, Si facis, ut patriæ fit idoneus, utilis agris, Utilis et bellorum, et pacis rebus agendis. Phurimum enim intererit, quibus artibus, et quibus hunc tu Moribus inflituas. Juv. Train'd both to war, and, when the war shall cease, For much it boots which way you train your boy, SIR, To the RAMBLER. ELPHINSTON. THOUGH you feem to have taken a view fufficiently extenfive of the miseries of life, and have employed much of your speculation on mournful fubjects, you have not yet exhausted the whole stock of human infelicity. There is ftill a fpecies of wretchedness which efcapes your obfervation, though it might supply you with many fage remarks, and falutary cautions. I cannot but imagine the ftart of attention awakened by this welcome hint; and at this instant see the Rambler fnuffing his candle, rubbing his fpectacles, ftirring his fire, locking out interruption, and fettling himself in his eafy chair, that he may enjoy a new calamity without disturbance. For, whe ther it be that continued fickness or misfortune has acquainted 2 acquainted you only with the bitterness of being; or that you imagine none but yourself able to discover what I fuppofe has been seen and felt by all the inhabitants of the world whether you intend your writings as antidotal to the levity and merriment with which your rivals endeavour to attract the favour of the publick; or fancy that you have fome particular powers of dolorous declamation, and warble out your groans with uncommon elegance or energy; it is certain that, whatever be your fubject, melancholy for the moft part bursts in upon your fpeculation, your gaiety is quickly overcast, and, though your readers may be flattered with hopes of pleafantry, they are seldom difmiffed but with heavy hearts. That I may therefore gratify you with an imitation of your own fyllables of sadness, I will inform you that I was condemned by fome difaftrous influence to be an only fon, born to the apparent prospect of a large fortune, and allotted to my parents at that time of life, when fatiety of common diverfions allows the mind to indulge parental affection with greater intenfenefs. My birth was celebrated by the tenants with feasts, and dances, and bagpipes: congratulations were fent from every family within ten miles round; and my parents difcovered in my firft cries fuch tokens of future virtue and understanding, that they declared themselves determined to devote the remaining part of life to my happiness and the increase of their eftate. The abilities of my father and mother were not perceptibly unequal, and education had given neither much advantage over the other. They had both kept good company, rattled in chariots, glittered in playhouses, and danced at court, and were both expert in the games that were in their time called in as auxiliaries against the intrufion of thought. When there is fuch a parity between two perfons affociated for life, the dejection which the hufband, if he be not completely ftupid, must always fuffer for want of fuperiority, finks him to fubmiffiveness. My mamma therefore governed the family without control; and except that my father ftill retained fome authority in the ftables, and, now and then, after a fupernumerary bottle, broke a looking-glafs or china dish to prove his fovereignty, the whole courfe of the year was regulated by her direction, the fervants received from her all their orders, and the tenants were continued or difmiffed at her difcretion. She therefore thought herself entitled to the fuperintendance of her fon's education; and when my father, at the inftigation of the parfon, faintly propofed that I fhould be fent to fchool, very pofitively told him, that the fhould not fuffer fo fine a child to be ruined; that fhe never knew any boys at a grammar-school that could come into a room without blufhing, or fit at the table without fome awkward uneafinefs; that they were always putting themselves into danger by boisterous plays, or vitiating their behaviour with mean company; and that, for her part, she would rather follow me to the grave, than fee me tear my clothes, and hang down my head, and fneak about with dirty fhoes and blotted fingers, my hair unpowdered, and my hat uncocked. My father, who had no other end in his proposal than to appear wife and manly, foon acquiefced, NOL. V. R fince fince I was not to live by my learning; for indeed he had known very few students that had not some stiffness in their manner. They therefore agreed, that a domeftick tutor fhould be procured, and hired an honest gentleman of mean converfation and narrow fentiments, but whom, having paffed the common forms of literary education, they implicitly concluded qualified to teach all that was to be learned from a fcholar. He thought himself fufficiently exalted by being placed at the fame table with his pupil, and had no other view than to perpetuate his felicity by the utmost flexibility of fubmiffion to all my mother's opinions and caprices. He frequently took away my book, left I fhould mope with too much application, charged me never to write without turning up my ruffles, and generally brushed my coat before he difmiffed me into the parlour. He had no occafion to complain of too burdenfome an employment; for my mother very judiciously confidered, that I was not likely to grow politer in his company, and fuffered me not to pafs any more time in his apartment than my leffon required. When I was fummoned to my tafk, fhe enjoined me not to get any of my tutor's ways, who was feldom mentioned before me but for practices to be avoided. I was every moment admonished not to lean on my chair, cross my legs, or fwing my hands like my tutor; and once my mother very seriously deliberated upon his total difmiffion, because I began, fhe faid, to learn his manner of sticking on my hat, and had his bend in my shoulders, and his totter in my gait. Such, however, was her care, that I efcaped all these depravities; and when I was only twelve years . old, old, had rid myself of every appearance of childish diffidence. I was celebrated round the country for the petulance of my remarks, and the quickness of my replies; and many a scholar, five years older than myself, have I dashed into confufion by the fteadiness of my countenance, filenced by my readiness of repartee, and tortured with envy by the address with which I picked up a fan, presented a snuff-box, or received an empty tea-cup. At fourteen I was completely skilled in all the niceties of drefs, and I could not only enumerate all the variety of filks, and diftinguifh the product of a French loom, but dart my eye through a numerous company, and obferve every deviation from the reigning mode. I was univerfally fkilful in all the changes of expenfive finery; but as every one, they fay, has fomething to which he is particularly born, was eminently knowing in Bruffels lace. The next year faw me advanced to the truft and power of adjusting the ceremonial of an affembly. All received their partners from my hand, and to me every stranger applied for introduction. My heart now difdained the inftructions of a tutor, who was rewarded with a small annuity for life, and left me qualified, in my own opinion, to govern myself. fa . In a fhort time I came to London, and as my ther was well known among the higher claffes of life, foon obtained admiffion to the moft fplendid affemblies and moft crowded card-tables. Here I found myfelf univerfally careffed and applauded: the ladies praised the fancy of my clothes, the beauty of my form, and the foftness of my voice; endeavoured in every place to force themfelves to my notice; and invited, R 2 |