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He was troubled with a disease, reverse to that called the stinging of the Tarantula ; and would run dog-mad at the noise of music, especially a pair of bag-pipes* But he would cure himself again, by taking two or three turns in Westminster-hall, or Billingsgate, or in a Boarding-school, or the Royal Exchange, or a State Coffee-house.
He was a person that feared no colourst, but mortally bated all; and upon that account bore a cruel averfion to painters ; insomuch that in his paroxysms, as he walked the ftreets, he would have his pockets loaden with stones, to pelt at the signs.
Having from his manner of living frequent occafions to wash himself, he would often leap over head and ears into the waters, tho' it were in the midst of the winter ; but was always observed to come out again much dirtier, if possible, than he went in.
He was the first that ever found out the secret of contriving a soporiferous medicine to be conveyed in at the
It was a compound of sulphur and balm of Gilead, with a little Pilgrim's salvell.
He wore a large plaister of artificial cauftics on his fomach, with the fervor of which he could set himself a. groning, like the famous board upon application of a red. hot iron.
He would stand in the turning of a street; and calling to those who passed by, would cry to one, “ Worthy “ Sir, do me the honour of a good slap in the chaps ;" to another, “ Honest friend, pray favour me with a “ handsom kick on the arse.” Madam, shall I intreat a small box on the ear from your Ladyship’s fair
• This is to expose our Dissenters aversion to instrumental music in churches.
W. Wotton. † They quarrel at the most innocent decency and ornament, and deface the statues and paintings on all the churches in England
Baptism of adults by plunging.
Fanatic preaching, composed either of hell and damnation, or a fullome description of the joys of heaven, both in such a dirty nauseous style, as to be well resembled to Pilgrim's falue.
á hands ?” “ Noble Captain, lend a reasonable thwack, · for the love of God, with that cane of yours, over " these poor shoulders *.” And when he had, by such earnest follicitations, made a shift to procure a baiting fufficient to fwell up his fancy and his fides, he would return home extremely comforted, and full of terrible accounts of what he had undergone for the public good. “ Obferve this ftroke, (faid he; shewing his bare shoul“ ders), a plaguy Janissary gave it me this very morning
at seven o'clock, as with much ado I was driving off “ the Great Turk. Neighbours, mind this broken head “ deserves a plaifter. Had poor Jack been tender of his “ noddle, you would have seen the Pope and the “ French King, long before this time of day, among your “ wives and your warehouses. Dear Christians, the “ Great Mugul was come as far as White-chapel ; and
you may thank these poor fides, that he hath not “ (God blefs us) already swallowed up man, woman,
It was highly worth observing the fingular effects of that averfion or antipathy which Jack and his brother Peter seemed, even to an affectation, to bear towards each other t. Peter had lately done some rogueries, that forced him to abscond ; and he feldom ventured to stir out before night, for fear of bailiffs. Their lodgings were at the two most diftant parts of the town from each other; and whenever their occasions or humours called them abroad, they would make choice of the oddest unlikely times, and moft uncouth rounds they could invent, that they might be sure to avoid one another. Yet, after all this, it was their perpetual fortune to meet. The
reason * The Fanatics have always had a way of affecting to run into persecution, and count vast merit upon every little hardship they suffer.
† The Papists and Fanatics, tho' they appear the most averse to each other, yet bear a near resemblance in many things, as has been observed by learned men.
Ibid. The agreement of our Diffenters and the Papists in that which Bishop Stilling feet called the fanaticism of the church of Rome, is ludicrously described for several pages together by Jack's likeness to Peter, and their being often mistaken for each other, and theis frequent meeting when they least intended it. W. Wotton.
reason of which is easy enough to apprehend : for the phrenzy and the spleen of both having the fame foundation, we may look upon them as two pair of compaffes, equally extended, and the fixed foot of each remaining in the fame centre ; which, tho' moving contrary ways at first, will be sure to encounter somewhere or other in the circumference. Besides, it was among the great misfortunes of jack, to bear a huge personal resemblance with his brother Peter. Their humour and dispositions were not only the fame, but there was a close analogy in their shape, their size, and their mien ; infomuch as nothing was more frequent than for a bailiff to seize Jack by the shoulders, and cry, “ Mr. Peter, you are the
King's prisoner;" or, at other times, for one of Peter's neareit friends to accort Jack with open arms, “ Dear Peter, I am glad to see thee, pray fend me one of your best medicines for the worms.”
This, we may fuppose, was a mortifying return of those pains and proceedings Jack had laboured in so long; and finding how directly opposite all his endeavours had answered to the fole end and intention which he had proposed to himself, how could it avoid having terrible effects upon a head and heart so furnished as his ? However, the poor ree mainders of his coat bore all the punishment. The orient fun never entered upon his diurnal progress, without missing a piece of it. He hired a taylor to stitch up the collar fo close, that it was ready to choke him; and squeezed out his eyes at fuch a rate, as one could see nothing but the white. What little was left of the main fubftance of the coat, he rubbed every day, for two hours, against a rough-cast wall, in order to grind away the remnants of lace and embroidery; but at the same time went on with so much violence, that he proceeded a Heai ben philofopber. Yet, after all he could do of this kind, the fuccefs continued still to disappoint his expectation. For as it is the nature of rags to bear a kind of mock resemblance to finery; there being a fort of fluttering appearance in both, which is not to be distinguished at a diftance, in the dark, or by fhort-fighted eyes : fo, in those junctures, it fared with Jack and his tatters, that they offered to the first view a ridiculous flanting; which,
affifting the resemblance in person and air, thwarted all his projects of separation, and left fo near a fimilitude between them, as frequently deceived the very disciples. and followers of both.
The old Sclavonian proverb said well, That “ it is is with men as with afes; whoever would keep them faft, “ must find a very good hold at their ears." Yet I think we may affirm, that it hath been verified by repeated experience, that,
Efugiet tamen hæc fceleratus vincula Proteu.
It is good, therefore, to read the maxims of our ancestors, with great allowances to times and persons. For, if we look into primitive records, we shall find, that no revolutions have been so great or so frequent as those of human ears. In former days, there was a curious inven-. tion to catch and keep them; which, I think, we may justly reckon
among the artes perdita. And how can it be otherwise, when, in these latter centuries, the very species is not only diminished to a very lamentable degree, but the poor remainder is also degenerated so far, as to mock our skilfullest tenure? For if the only slitting of one ear in a stag hath been found sufficient to propagate the defect thro' a whole forest, why Tould we wonder at the greatest consequences, from so many loppings and mutilations, to which the ears of our fathers. and our own have been of late so much exposed ? 'Tis true indeed, that while this island of ours was under the dominion of grace, many endeavours were made to improve the growth of ears once more among us. The proportion of largeness was not only looked upon-as an ernament of the outward man, but as a type of
grace in the inward. Besides, it is held by naturalists, that if there be a protuberancy of parts in the superior region of
the body, as in the ears and nose, there must be a parity also in the inferior.
And therefore, in that truly pious age, the males in every assembly, according as they were gifted, appeared very forward in expofing their ears to view, and the regions about them; because Hippocrates tells us, That " when the vein behind the ear happens
to be cut, a man becomes à eunuch *.” And the females were nothing backwarder in beholding and edifying by them: whereof those who had already used the means, looked about them with great concern, in hopes of conceiving a fuitable offspring by such a prospect. Others, who stood candidates for benevolence, found there a plentiful choice; and were sure to fix upon such as difcovered the largest ears, that the breed might not dwindle between them. Lastly, the devouter fifters, who looked upon all extraordinary dilatations of that member as protrusions of zeal, or spiritual excrescences, were sure to honour every head they sat upon, as if they had been cloven tongues; but especially that of the preacher, whose ears were usually of the prime magnitude ; which, upon that account, he was very frequent and exact in exposing with all advantages to the people ; in his rhetorical paroxysms, turning sometimes to hold forth the one, and sometimes to hold forth the other.. From which cuftom, the whole operation of preaching is to this very day, among their professors, styled by the phrase of bolding forth.
Such was the progress of the faints for advancing the fize of that member ; and it is thought the success would have been every way answerable, if, in process of time, a cruel king had nct arose, who raised a bloody persecution against all ears above a certain standard f. Upon which, fome were glad to hide their flourishing sprouts in a black border; others crept wholly under a periwig; some were slit, others crop'd, and a great number fliced off to the stumps. But of this more hereafter in my gener al biftory of ears; which I design very speedily to bestow upon the public.
FROM * Lib. de aëre, locis & aquis.
+ This was K. Charles II. who, at his Restoration, turned out all the diffenting teachers that would not conform.