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to any but the most extreme cases of unreasonableness on the husband's part.

With regard to the treatment of husbands, then, so great is the variety of character to be taken into account that it would be impossible to lay down any rule of universal application, except upon the broad principles of kind feeling, integrity, and common sense. Still there are hints which may be thrown out, it is to be hoped, with benefit to the inexperienced; and many of these will refer again to the peculiarity already dwelt upon in the foregoing chapter. The tendency in men which has been described as rendering them peculiarly liable to be impressed by what is evident to their senses, must ever be consulted by the wife who would adapt herself to her husband's mood and character; and although these may vary in every individual, and in the same may change with every difference of time and place, it becomes the duty of a wife, and one would suppose it must also be her pleasure, studiously to observe what those things are, which habitually strike the attention of her husband, so as to convey to him immediate impressions of pleasure or of pain; remembering ever, that all indirect evidence of our tastes and wishes having been consulted, even in our absence, is one of the most grateful of ferings that can be made to every human heart.

Thus the general appearance of his home has much to do with the complacency man naturally feels on returning to it. If his taste is for neatness and order, for the absence of servants, and for perfect quiet, it would be absolute cruelty to allow such a man to find his house in confusion, and to have to call in servants to clear this thing and the other away after his return, as if he had never once been thought of, or at least thought of with kindness and consideration, until he was actually seen.

Some men particularly enjoy the cheerful welcome of a clean hearth and blazing fire, on a winter's day; and all are more or less solicitous to stir the glowing embers themselves, rather than to see them stirred by

others. I knew an excellent woman who always had her fire built up in such a manner before her husband came home, as to present a tempting crust for him to break through on his arrival; and I much question whether the good lady was not more loved for this simple act, than she would have been, had her husband found his fire neglected, and herself engaged in tears and prayers for his individual welfare.

But here again we recognise no general rule, for some men unquestionably there are, who would much prefer that their coals should be forthcoming on a future day, than thus unnecessarily expended in a bonfire to welcome their return.

Again, it is of little use that you esteem and reverence your husband in the secret of your heart, if you do not by your manners, both at home and abroad, evince this proper deference and regard. At home it is but fitting that the master of the house should be considered as entitled to the choice of every personal indulgence, unless indisposition or suffering on the part of the wife render such indulgences more properly her due; but even then they ought to be received as a favor, rather than claimed as a right.

Women, in the present day, and in houses furnished as English homes generally are, may enjoy so many advantages in the way of pampering the body, from which men, and especially those engaged in business, are debarred, that they can well afford to give up some of these indulgences to those they love; and few indeed would not rather see them thus enjoyed, than appropriated exclusively to themselves.

There is, however, one great difficulty in connection with this duty, which it is to be hoped all persons are not, like the writer, unable to solve. It is in the important question of self-sacrifice, how far this virtue ought to extend in the treatment of husbands. There is certainly nothing more beautiful to read of in books; and could every act of self-sacrifice be seen and appreciated, there would be nothing more delightful to practise towards those we love. But the question is, does it

tell in any high degree upon the happiness of man? Observation of the world would lead to the conclusion that it does not, for where one husband's heart has been softened with gratitude on discovering how much his wife has suffered and denied herself for his sake, ten times that number of women have been wounded to the very soul at not having their acts of self-sacrifice valued according to their cost.

The fact is, men in general do not see these things, unless told of their existence; and then at once their charm is destroyed. Is it not better, then, to be a little more sparing of such acts, than to do them, and then grudge the expenditure of feeling they require; or to do them, and then complain of the punishment they inflict? Besides which, some luckless women go on in this way, until more and more is expected of them; the husband, in his ignorance of the state of things behind the scenes, never dreaming of what is actually suffered, but rather proposing, in his innocence, that as one thing has been so comfortably given up, another should follow, until at last there bursts upon his unhappy head a perfect storm of feeling, from her who would willingly have been a martyr for his sake, would he only have observed and pitied what she was enduring for him.

in these cases to be observed, for when once woman loses the disinterested generosity of her character, she loses her greatest charm; and when she becomes a stickler for rights, or a monopolizer of good things, presuming upon her greater requirements as being a more delicate and fragile being than man, she may indeed be said to have forfeited all that claims for her sex our interest and our admiration. But, on the other hand, though she may not be aware of it, there is a secret and deep-seated selfishness in the wounded feeling which accompanies a generous act, on finding it not valued according to its cost. Would it not then be wise to let this maxim be our rule-that none should give up more than they are prepared to resign without grudging, whether noticed and appreciated

or not.

In my remarks upon the subject of selfsacrifice, I would, of course, be understood to refer only to those trifling and familiar affairs in which the personal comfort of daily life is concerned. The higher and more sacred claims of trial and calamity with which the experience of every human being is occasionally checkered, admit neither of doubt, calculation, nor delay. Here I cannot suppose it possible that a true-hearted woman would feel the least reserve, for here it is her sacred privilege to forget herself, to count no item of her loss, to weigh no difficulty, and to shrink from no pain, provided she can suffer for, or even with, the companion whose existence is bound up with hers.

On the other hand, those women who calmly and equitably maintain their rights, for rights all women have; who, acting upon the broad principle of yielding what is due from a wife to a husband, make a clear distinction betwixt that, and what would be ex- Whatever doubt may be entertained on the pected by a tyrant from his slave; who make subject of making self, and selfish gratificathemselves cheerful and comfortable with tion, subservient to a husband's tastes and what it is proper for them to enjoy, neither enjoyments, in all the little items of domestic withholding what they ought to give up, nor arrangement, there can be none with regard giving up what they cannot afford to lose; to what is right in mixing in society either such women are upon the whole to be pre- with friends or strangers. It is here, the ferred as companions, and certainly they are privilege of a married woman to be able to themselves exempt from a world of wounded show, by the most delicate attentions, how feeling, under which the more romantically much she feels her husband's superiority to generous are perpetually suffering, and at the herself, not by mere personal services offisame time weeping and lamenting that they ciously rendered, as if for the purpose of disdo so. play, but by a respectful reference to his There is, however, a most delicate medium opinion, a willingly imposed silence when he

speaks, and, if he be an enlightened man, by a judicious turn sometimes given to the conversation, so that his information and intelligence may be drawn forth for the benefit of others.

It is true that a considerable portion of tact is required to manage such matters as these, without appearing to manage them at all; for if the husband is once made to suspect that his wife is practising upon him for the purpose of showing how good a wife she is, his situation will scarcely be more agreeable than that of the man who is made a mere lackey of in company, and called hither and thither to do little personal services for his wife, as if she had mistaken him for one of her servants, or, what is more likely, had chosen this means of exhibiting her unbounded influence over him.

Both these extremes are at variance with good taste, to say nothing of right feeling; and here, as in innumerable instances besides, we see, that if the tact I have so highly recommended in a previous work, be valuable before marriage, it is infinitely more co afterwards. Indeed there is scarcely one among the various embellishments of female character, not even the highest accomplishments exhibited by the most distinguished belle, which may not, in some way or other, be rendered a still more exquisite embellishment to married life, provided only it is kept in its proper place, and made always subservient to that which is more estimable.

Thus the most fastidious taste, when employed in selecting what is agreeable to a husband's fancy, becomes ennobled to its possessor; while those accomplishments, which in the crowded drawing-room were worse than useless in their display, may sometimes be accounted as actual wealth, to her who has the good feeling to render them conducive to the amusement or the happiness of her own fireside.

On the other hand, it is painful to hear the complaint so frequently made by married men, that their wives have ceased to touch the instrument whose keys were rendered so sweetly available in the great object of charming

before marriage; and, did not kindness or delicacy forbid a further disclosure of the secrets of their lot, there is doubtless a still greater number who could speak feelingly of their regret, that the air of careful neatness, the becoming dress, and the general attractiveness of look and manner, which first won their attention, had been gradually laid aside, as advancing years and increasing cares had rendered them more necessary as an additional charm to the familiar scenes of domestic life.

Yet in spite of appearances, it is scarcely possible to imagine how there should be, in any other situation, so natural and so delightful a display of personal attractions as at home, and before the one being whom of all the world we love best; especially when we reflect that his destiny being bound up with ours, if we allow him to feel weary of our company, annoyed by our absurdities, or dissatisfied with our personal appearance, he must at the same time suffer doubly from the mortifying conviction, that these things are to remain the same to him throughout the whole of his future life or ours.

What then so natural and so congenial to the best feelings of woman, as to render this long future as pleasing in its aspect as she can? and what so degrading, and so utterly at variance with the beauty of the female character, as, having once secured a legal claim to the protection of a husband, ever afterwards to neglect those personal attractions, which comparatively few women have to be charged with neglecting in their single state? Yet of what importance is it to the careless observer we meet with in general society, how we dress, or whether we look well or ill, compared with what it is to the man who has to see us, and perhaps us alone, seated opposite to him at every meal! what importance is it to the stranger that we play badly, or do not play at all-that we draw without taste, and have never learned to converse with sprightliness and ease? His happiness is in no way dependent upon us. He can turn away, and forget us the next moment. But the case assumes a widely

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different character, when we look at it as extending through each separate hour of a long lifetime; and surely if there be a natural exultation in having charmed an indifferent person, or even a whole party, for an hour, there must be a higher, and far more reasonable satisfaction, in being able to beguile a husband of his cares, to win him from society which might divert his thoughts from home, and to render that home, not only the scene of his duties, but of his favorite amusements, and his dearest joys.

To this high purpose every intellectual attainment should also be made conducive, for there is much in the life of men, and particularly where business engages their attention, to lower and degrade the mind. There is much to render it purely material in its aims and calculations; and there is much also, in man's public intercourse with his fellow-man, to render him eager and monopolizing in that which centres in himself; while at the same time he is regardless or distrustful of others. As a rational, accountable, and immortal being, he consequently needs a companion who will be supremely solicitous for the advancement of his intellectual, moral, and spiritual nature; a companion who will raise the tone of his mind from the low anxieties, and vulgar cares which necessarily occupy so large a portion of his existence, and lead his thoughts to expatiate or repose on those subjects which convey a feeling of identity with a higher state of existence beyond this present life.

Instead of this, how often does the wife receive home her weary husband, to render him still more weary, by an outpouring of all the gossip she has heard through the day, of the observations she has made upon her neighbor's furniture and way of living, of the personal attentions or slights she has received, with a long catalogue of complaints against her servants, and, worse than all, ten thousand reasons, strengthened by that day's experience, why she should be indulged with some favorite article of dress or luxury, upon which her heart has long been set!

It may be said in vindication of this mode of conduct, that the occupations of men of

business in the present day are such, and so pressing, as to leave them little time, and perhaps less inclination, for interesting themselves in subjects of apparently less urgent and immediate importance; and that, consequently, all endeavor to give their minds a bias in favor of nobler things, would be unavailing. But in reply to this observation, I would ask one question-Have you made the experiment? Have you ever tried whether the introduction of a new idea, appropriately and agreeably clothed, might not be made quite as agreeable as the introduction of a new article of diet, even dressed with the nicest care? Have you then made the experiment judiciously? for here lies the secret of all the good we can reasonably expect. If, for instance, you should begin to talk about the stars, when your husband asks for his slippers, or quote poetry when he wants his dinner, the boldest enthusiast would scarcely be wild enough to anticipate any very favorable result.

The first thing to be done in the attainment of this high object, is to use what influence you have so as not to lower or degrade the habitual train of your husband's thoughts; and the next is, to watch every eligible opportunity, and to use every suitable means, of leading him to view his favorite subjects in their broadest and most expansive light; while, at the same time, it is within the region of woman's capabilities, to connect them, by some delicate mode of association, with the general bearing of a man's interests in this world upon his interests in eternity.

It is extremely difficult in writing on this subject to convey my exact meaning, or indeed to avoid the charge of wishing to recommend, instead of pleasant, easy, fireside chat, the introduction of a dull, and dry, or perhaps dogmatical discourse, than which, nothing can be more opposed, both to the tastes and the habits of the writer, as well as to her ideas of the nice art of pleasing and doing good at the same time. Indeed that mode of conversation which I have been accustomed to describe as talking on a large scale, is, except on very important occasions, most

inimical to the natural softness and attractiveness of woman. It is not, in fact, her forte; but belongs to a region of display in which she cannot, or at least ought not, to shine. The excellence of woman as regards her conversation, consists rather of quick, and delicate, and sometimes playful turns of thought, with a lively and subtle apprehension of the bearings, tendencies, and associations of ideas; so that the whole machinery of conversation, if I may be allowed to use such an expression, may be made, by her good management, to turn off from one subject, and play upon another, as if by the direction of some magic influence, which will ever be preserved from detection by the tact of an unobtrusive and sensitive nature.

It is in this manner, and this alone, that women should evince their interest in those great political questions which arise out of the state of the times in which they live. Not that they may be able to attach themselves to a party, still less that they may make speeches either in public or in private; but that they may think and converse like rational beings on subjects which occupy the attention of the majority of mankind; and it is, perhaps, on these subjects that we see most strikingly the wide difference betwixt the low views so generally taken, and those which I would so earnestly recommend. If, for example, a wife would converse with her husband about a candidate for the representation of the place in which they live, she may, if she choose, discuss the merits of the color which his party wears, and wish it were some other, as being more becoming; she may tell with delight how he bowed especially to her; and she may wish from her heart that the number of votes may be in his favor, because he kissed her child, and called it the prettiest he had ever seen. It is this kind of prattle which may properly be described as small talk, and which it is to be feared denotes a littleness of soul. Yet this style of talk may be, and sometimes is, applied by women to all sorts of subjects, not excepting politics, philosophy, and even religion. But, on the other hand, there is an opposite style of con

versation which may be used with equal scope of application, on almost all subjects, whether high or low: and it is a truth which the peculiar nature of woman's mind renders her admirably qualified to carry out through ordinary life, that so intimately connected are our thoughts and feelings, habits and pursuits, not only with those of other beings of a similar nature, but with a state of existence in which that common nature will be more fully developed, that there is scarcely a fact presented to our knowledge, which has not a connection, either immediate or remote, with some great moral truth; and scarcely a subject brought under our consideration, which may not be ennobled by conducing, in some way or other, to the improvement of our moral being.

It will readily be perceived, however, that this exercise of the powers of conversation would be utterly unattainable to a woman of ignorant or vulgar mind-that she would alike be incapable of comprehending the desirableness of the object, and the best mode of its accomplishment. And here I would again advert to an expression not unfrequently heard among young ladies, that they do not wish to be clever; by which we are left to suppose, by their neglect of their own minds, that they mean either well-informed, or capable of judging rightly. Yet without having paid considerable attention to the improvement and cultivation of their intellectual powers, how will it be possible for them to raise the general tone of thought and conversation at their own fireside?

Although I am not one of those who attach any high degree of importance to the possession of great intellectual endowments in woman, because I believe such natural gifts to have proved much more frequently her bane than her blessing, and because they are not the qualifications of female character which conduce most to her own happiness or the happiness of those around her; yet if there be any case in which a woman might be forgiven, for entertaining an honest pride in the superiority of her own talent, it would be where she regarded it only as a means

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